DAUGHTER ISN’T MINE

DEAR JENNIFER: Two weeks ago, my wife told me that my seven-year-old daughter is not mine. I was shocked because I thought I knew my wife and that we had a good relationship.

We’d also always made a point of not keeping secrets, so I was really angry too. It took me a while to calm down but when I did, I pushed her for answers as to why she’d done it.

However, she refused (and still refuses) to talk about it, other than to say it was a one-o and that it will never happen again.

Apparently, it happened when I was on a long business trip in the Middle East. She won’t say who the father is, and I can’t even get her to explain why she felt the need to tell me now.

In a funny way, I wished she hadn’t, because I am already starting to think di erently about my daughter.

The past couple of weeks have been a nightmare and I am stumbling around in a daze. What am I supposed to do now?

JENNIFER SAYS: You’ve been hurt by your wife, but please don’t let this affect how you feel about your daughter.

She’s known nothing but you as her father for the past seven years, and she will be confused and hurt if you start behaving differently now. She may not have your genes, but you have been, and still are, her father.

As for your wife, she can’t simply ignore what has happened. Having decided to tell you, she has to accept that things will never be the same again between you. This is not something that she can walk away from.

Mistrust, anger and resentment will only continue to grow unless you can both find a way to talk about what has happened.

Encourage her to do this, but don’t do anything rash if she remains reluctant to open up.