I love her but we have no sex at all

I CRAVE PROPER PASSION JANE O’GORMAN SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS TODAY ... AND EVERY DAY

MY partner and I have never had sex.

We love each other and sleep in the same bed, but we’ve never achieved full intercourse.

I’ve never touched her boobs or put my fingers anywhere intimate. In return she’s never pleasured or stroked me.

We’ve kissed, but never done anything more than the average awkward 13-year-old on a first date. During the early days of our relationship, she was shy about showing me her body. She’d been chubby as a teenager and hated her excess flesh.

I told her I didn’t care but she kept me at arm’s distance. She begged me to give her time while she learned to trust me and work on her confidence issues.

Accident

Then she badly broke her leg in a skiing accident. She didn’t stop crying for weeks. Then the lockdowns came and she went even further downhill.

She became a germophobe. She was terrified of getting ill and suggesting sex seemed inappropriate, so I kept my distance.

Now it feels as though the moment has passed. Circumstances have conspired against us. Her leg is healed, we have our daily routines and life is good, but we don’t – and never have had sex.

I’m too ashamed to admit this to anyone. I work with a bunch of cheeky blokes. Sometimes the banter can get a bit blue, and I do my best to laugh and pretend that I’m fully satisfied in the bedroom but I’m living a lie.

I get more licks and affection from next door’s dog than I do her and don’t know who I am anymore…

JANE SAYS: In the early days of your relationship your girl suffered a crisis of confidence regarding her body.

She begged you to wait for her – and you did. But then she broke her leg, and you were physically unable to make love. She struggled with the lockdowns and fretted over her health – all perfectly understandable.

Now life resembles some kind of normal again, but you are living like sister and brother. This is a crying shame because sex brings comfort and better heart health (literally); it decreases depression and anxiety and improves self-esteem.

Are you sure that you know her full history? Was she hurt or let down in the past? Does she have issues that she’d benefit from talking to a trained professional about?

Perhaps she could consult her GP? Arrange a sit-down conversation. Tell her that she’s special to you, but she’s a closed book too.

Is she interested in a sexual relationship – either now or in the future?

Be sensitive and tell her that you’ve got all the time in the world to listen to her story so that you finally understand.

There’s nothing wrong with being her pal, but if you’re looking for love within a complete relationship, then she might not be the girl for you.

SEXLESS: Their relationship is more like siblings than lovers and he is now at his wits’ end