Gaslighter plays sick mind games
HE SAYS I HAVE LOST IT
I FEAR my boyfriend is trying to gaslight me.
He says I’ve lost my mind and am going nuts.
I come home from work and smell cigarettes in the air. He’s a non-smoker so I demand to know who has been round and he says: “No-one.”
I spot used condom foils in the bin and he claims he’s just been masturbating “responsibly”.
I find screwed up knickers in the bottom of the bed and he swears they’re mine. He tells me I’m losing it. Of course, the pink frilly panties are mine – don’t I remember? He bought them for me last Christmas…
Exhausted
The other week I was sent on a five-day trip for work. I came home exhausted, went into the bathroom and spotted half-used bottles of shampoo and conditioner by a brand I never buy.
I asked him if his sister or mum had stayed over. He pretended not to understand what I was talking about. In the end I stuck the bottles under his nose and screamed: “What are these?”
But he just suggested I see the GP for “my nerves”.
I know he’s up to something. We’re still having sex but it’s like I’m sleeping with a stranger.
Often, I break down. I beg him to tell me why he’s torturing me. If he no longer loves me why doesn’t he leave? But I know the answer to that. This is my flat and I pay most of the bills, and he’d struggle to get by without me.
I don’t know how much more I can take, especially when he keeps saying we should get married.
JANE SAYS: Please do not marry this man. He doesn’t love you and a life with him would be pure torture.
If he’s as controlling and coercive as this now, then I dread to think what he’d be like once his name is on a marriage certificate. He sounds cynical and dangerous. He has his eyes on your flat and your income.
He views you as nothing more than a meal ticket.
It’s possible he’s inviting people around for sex behind your back, but it’s equally possible he’s getting a kick out of playing with your mind.
Sadly, I don’t think you can believe a word he says.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he planted those condom foils, pants and shampoo bottles to wrong-foot you.
He wants you to believe you’re “losing it” so you become more dependent on him. Please speak to friends and relatives about everything you’re going through.
There’s no shame in admitting you’re scared and in danger. I suspect it’s likely those who care for you are already concerned.
They must have seen the change in you since being with him. You cannot allow this to get any worse.
Do the Gardai need to be informed about anything — has he had money or property from you? Do not allow him to get under your skin or cause you to doubt yourself.