I can’t bed my girl after grubby fling
SHAME’S RUINING MY LIFE
I’VE lost my energy and my mojo.
I’m not performing at work or at home. My girlfriend says I’m boring. She chucks pillows at me in bed and labels me a flop.
Then she whips out one of her sex toys and pleasures herself.
I feel humiliated and useless. It’s the same at work. I don’t have ideas or stamina. I go into meetings and sit there like a lemon.
Recently I fell asleep while my boss was droning on about targets and figures. I was snoring so loudly my colleague had to kick me to wake me up. My boss was furious. Now I’m terrified I’ll lose my position the next time redundancies are announced.
Guilty
I dread going home because I know my girl will demand sparkling conversation and sex.
What she doesn’t know is that I’m a man with a guilty conscience. I have secret debts.
At the end of last year, I conducted a ridiculous fling with a girl I met online. We talked dirty, met up for sleazy sex and I spent silly money on booze and hotel rooms. This went on for about a month, but then fizzled out after we were caught having sex in a pub toilet. I lost my mind for a while and now I’m ashamed.
My girlfriend knows nothing of this. I feel too dirty to touch her. I know I let her down every time I brush her hand away and reject her in bed, but I’m just not up to satisfying her.
Every time she suggests an early night, my stomach lurches and I go hot and cold. I feel like the biggest loser ever. She’s a great person and deserves someone so much better than me.
JANE SAYS: You’re feeling desperate and ridiculous.
Things may seem bleak, but there is always a way forward. If you’re struggling to cope, then speak to your GP and explain what you’re going through. The debts are also a serious matter, so check out mabs.ie about where you go from here. I’m afraid hiding under a rock is not an option.
Then pluck up the courage and level with your girlfriend.
Do her the courtesy of telling her the absolute truth. She has to hear about your ill-judged fling so that she can start to understand – if not forgive you.
She will, no doubt, ask why you felt compelled to cheat on her in the first place.
What answer are you going to give? Are you clear in your own mind about why you strayed so far from home?
If you no longer love nor respect her, then you have to set her free. At the moment you’re not being fair.
If she finds out the truth from a third party then she will be left humiliated, and heartbroken.
The same honesty needs to be applied at your place of work too.
Someone needs to be told that you are having a hard time right now and – possibly – need some time off?
Call The Samaritans if you need to chat.