Forced to ‘like’ stepma
MY dad expects me to post positive words about my stepmother on social media.
He likes me to comment on how wonderful, beautiful and clever she is.
Sometimes he’ll call to complain I haven’t liked a picture or video she’s posted – like he’s ticking names off a list.
This makes my blood boil. How dare they keep tabs on me?
Every time she cooks a special meal or posts a cheesy picture of herself, I’m expected to respond. My dad says it just makes life so much easier if I flatter her and play the game.
But why should I compliment and boost the ego of someone who I don’t like?
JANE SAYS: Is your father terrified of your stepmother? Is boosting her ego his way of keeping her sweet?
You mustn’t feel obliged to play along. You’re an adult and entitled to your own thoughts.
It’s wrong of your father to put this pressure on you and you need to start standing up for yourself.
Tell him that you are taking a step back from social media because it’s beginning to fry your brain.
Constant pressure to like and suck up is exhausting.
I DON’T want the baby my on-off girlfriend is carrying.
I have no interest in becoming a dad. She thinks the baby is mine – although she’s not sure.
We were a bit wobbly before Christmas and she slept with two other guys after a row with me.
She says that we can sort everything out with a DNA test after she’s given birth.
But I don’t want the kid even if it is mine. I don’t like children. I didn’t even like other kids when I was at school. I like the simple life: I like peace, quiet and order.
When we first got together in 2019, I made it clear that I never wish to start a family. She agreed with me, and we concentrated on great holidays and experiences and having fun. I trusted her to take the pill.
But now she’s talking names, prams and paraphernalia and I’m seething. I feel betrayed and trapped. This was never the deal.
She knew from the start that I am not the fathering type. I’m an only child and my own parents were suffocating and overbearing; I couldn’t move without them tracking my movements and checking up on me.
I left home on my 19th birthday vowing to have nothing more to do with them.
They died last year, and I didn’t even attend their funerals because I still think of family life as smothering.
These days I live my own life exactly as I want to. I have my sport, my work, and my routines – and that’s me – sorted for life. If my girl wants to keep the baby, then she’ll be on her own.
Count me out. She seems to think I’ll come round in the end, but I won’t. A couple of my mates’ girlfriends and wives have suggested I’m being mean and cruel. How dare they? How dare anyone interfere and tell me how I should act or feel?
JANE SAYS: In your grand plan a baby was never on the cards. Now you feel trapped and compromised.
In some ways you may feel that your partner has tricked you, but you have to remember it’s not the baby’s fault that it’s being born.
Besides, you might feel differently once you hold the child in your arms; you may wish to nurture and protect it in a different way to your own overly fussy parents.
All I’m saying is keep an open mind because we can’t legislate for emotions.
You might be a natural father for all you know and don’t forget the child is going to be vulnerable and needy. Ultimately, you and your partner may not go the distance, but if you are the father, then you will still be expected to make a financial contribution to your child’s life.
It would be wonderful if you could find it in your heart to make an emotional one, too.
I get the impression your partner is delighted to be finally pregnant.
She’s excitedly talking about purchases and names, so keep a kind tongue in your head and just see what happens down the line.