JOKES OF THE WEEK
Topspin serves up a tennis classic in return
I LIKE to watch Star Wars on my Samsung phone from the other side of the house.
It’s on a Galaxy far, far away...
A MAN is leaning on a farm gate, watching the farmer round up some sheep when he realises that the farmer isn’t using a sheepdog, but rather a pig.
What’s more, the pig, which is expertly manoeuvring the sheep into a pen, only has three legs.
“Excuse me,” says the man to the farmer, “but why has that pig only got three legs?”
“Let me tell you a bit about that pig”, says the farmer. “That pig not only herds my sheep, he also crows in the morning, milks the cows morning and night and collects the eggs from the hens.
“And that’s not all — that pig can count! He counts so well that he does all the farm accounts and fills in my tax forms.”
“What an amazing pig!” says the man.
“I ain’t finished!”, says the farmer. “Two years ago, my farmhouse caught fire and the pig called the fire brigade and then fetched water from the river to douse the flames in the hall.
“He then fought his way through the smoke to where my wife and children lay unconscious and dragged them from the burning house.” “Wow!”, says the man,”that really is an incredible pig. But I still don’t understand why he only has three legs.”
“Ah, well”, says the farmer, “when you have a pig that special, you don’t eat him all at once...”
HOW do you work out how heavy a red hot chilli pepper is?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
WENT to the cinema the other night to watch that new film about cheese.
It was G rated.
KNEW this rude guy in school who wasalways telling people where to get off.
He’s a bus driver now...
I HEARD the band Stealers Wheel had found a new career making women’s clothes.
Gowns to the left of me, chokers to the right...
MY LOCAL pizza place has made the country’s biggest pizza base.
I’d love to see someone top that.
Platform: PlayStation 5, Xbox, PC
Genre: Sports
We haven’t had a good tennis game in ages — and Topspin’s big return to consoles after years away is just that.
Think of it as the FC24 of tennis. There’s loads of famous stars to play as on courts you’ll recognise across the world, mixed in with an easy-to-use menu system.
All four majors are there — the Australian Open, Roland-Garros, US Open and Wimbledon. Plus there’s a series of more generic courts to enjoy.
The roster is strong too, with the likes of Serena Williams, Andy Murray and Roger Federer on hand alongside legendary players like Andre Agassi.
And it’s narrated smoothly by the voice of tennis himself, John McEnroe, who is vital in the Academy training portion of the game to get you up to speed with the gameplay after years away.
GAMES REVIEWS
Once up and running, the joypad play is natural, fun and unforgiving when you make a mistake — just like tennis.
It revolves a lot around timing of shots, hitting a small green portion of a moving accuracy bar above your player’s head to nail a perfectly timed strike, making it difficult for your opponent to return.
Everything from brutal serves and lob shots to deft flicks into a corner are there.
Trophy
And it’s all animated well to make it look like a real tennis match on screen with a squint of the eye.
The learning curve is pretty harsh, but with persistence and perfection you’ll soon be dinking balls all over Wimbledon, lifting the trophy like a hero.
There’s a MyPlayer area where you can build your own unique hero and take them online for global cross-gen battles.
For the casual gamer there are of course simple exhibition matches to enjoy, both against a computer-controlled rival or a local co-op buddy.
Couch play caters for up to four gamers at once across singles or doubles matches.
Single-player fans can also go knee-deep into career mode and World Tour, rising through the rankings.
By playing and winning matches and tournaments in any game mode, players earn XP and VC. XP can be used to improve MyPlayer attributes and unlock coaches and fittings to define play style, while VC can also be used to redistribute MyPlayer attribute points, hire coaches, purchase fittings, animations, and apparel.
Overall, a strong and much-wanted tennis game that helps to fill a gap in the sporting gaming market.