I’m tormented by girl’s past lovers
SHE WAS SEX-MAD IN TEENS JANE O’GORMAN SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS TODAY ... AND EVERY DAY
HOW do I get past the fact my girl was a wild child in her teens?
I used to be friendly with her brother and he despaired of her crazy antics. If she wasn’t drinking too much and partying too hard, then she was going missing for days on end.
She thought nothing of sleeping with five different lovers a week. From sex parties and orgies to three or four fumbles a night, she was outrageous.
I agreed she sounded like a hedonistic nightmare.
But now she’s in my life and I love the calm, considerate person she is today. We re-met, completely by chance, on a walking holiday in Cornwall. We got chatting over ice cream and she couldn’t believe I was the same guy who used to hang out with her disapproving brother. These days she’s completely different.
She’s stopped drinking and has embraced the quiet life. We live in a sleepy village. She breeds dogs, helps in a charity shop and supports two OAPs.
But I can’t forget that she is used goods. Our sex life is fine and, most of the time I enjoy her touch. But sometimes, whenever I’m feeling stressed, my mind turns to her past. I imagine her in the arms of other guys. Then I see red and say awful things.
I demand to know the name of her best lover and want to know how I compare to him – or her.
I insist she describes her best sex party or orgasm. She begs me to stop, but then I call her terrible names – which I deeply regret. I’m a monster and hate myself for being like this. But obsessing about her past makes me feel insecure. Why am I such a jerk?
JANE SAYS: You have to leave the past behind for the sake of your girlfriend’s mental health and happiness – and yours.
You can’t keep dangling her early years in front of her eyes. She can’t do anything to change her youth. She is who she is today and if that’s not good enough for you, then you need to jog on.
You know her story yet you’re refusing to give her a break. That’s cruel. She’s trying to be the best she can be, so get off your high horse and look at the facts.
She was, for whatever reason, a young girl who was out of control. Since then, she’s obviously made efforts to turn her life around. If you really can’t forgive and get past her story, then I suggest you set her free. You can’t spend any more time disapproving as that’s exhausting and vicious. Why don’t you count your blessings and rejoice in the fact you have found each other, and that life is sweet? My gut feeling is that, unless you apologise and change the record, she’s soon going to tire of you and walk away without a backward glance. And I can’t say that I’d blame her.
If you need professional help, then seek it. But don’t continue to hound a decent woman. She made mistakes, so what? Are you perfect? Of course you’re not.