My son ‘stalks’ his ex
MY adult son is still obsessed with his ex-partner.
I’m terrified that he’s going to get himself into trouble. He keeps following her around.
He hangs out near her work, obsessively monitors her social media and quizzes her friends about what she’s doing.
He feels they have unfinished business. He wants her to tell him what he did wrong and why she fell out of love with him.
But I know she has someone new. I’ve seen her with another guy. It’ll break my son’s heart to hear this.
But surely, it’s better coming from me?
JANE SAYS: Sit him down and tell him that you’re giving him the truth because you care.
Explain that his ex has moved on and he must too. Make it clear that he’s never going to get the final conversation he craves because it’s over. He can’t always get what he wants.
If he doesn’t back off, he could find himself in deep trouble with the law, because harassment is a crime.
No-one ever said that life was fair. He’s had his heart broken and may even have it broken again in the future.
Can he learn from any mistakes?
MY girl has turned into a neat freak, and I can’t stand it.
She’s throwing stuff away like a thing possessed. Half of my clothes have gone to the charity shop, and I know she’s itching to get her hands on my books and cull my record collection too.
I come home from work and am nearly knocked out by the overwhelming stench of bleach and furniture polish.
I’m not allowed to plonk myself on the sofa without being barked at to mind the cushions.
Tension is at an all-time high and I can’t relax. She won’t have visitors over and we’re not having sex, because she’s declared it “too messy”.
When we first met, she was fun and we made love all over the place, but since losing her business she’s become uptight.
The other night I dared to be proactive and cook a steak and chips dinner. She hit the roof. She accused me of getting oil and peelings everywhere.
I know that losing her business was a bitter blow. She set up a quirky café with a friend who failed to pull her weight and then ripped her off.
My girl lost thousands, which she had to borrow from her parents and still needs to pay back. I know she feels humiliated and
CLEANING NIGHTMARE: His girl has turned into a one-woman house tidier
something of a failure but living with her has become intolerable.
How do I get her to calm down and stop being so tough on herself – and me?
I have suggested that she seeks professional help, but she won’t hear of it. At this rate I’ll be left with nowhere to sit, two pairs of starched underpants and a toothbrush that stinks of Dettol!
JANE SAYS: No form of extreme behaviour is ever desirable or healthy.
Your girl sounds deflated with too much energy and time on her hands. Losing the business was a bitter
blow. Then to be ripped off by someone she trusted was a blow on a bruise…
Sit her down and tell her that you can’t go on like this. Your house has stopped feeling like a home, it’s more like an operating theatre and that is not how you wish to live.
Ask her to consider her mental health in the light of her recent upheaval and seek help from her GP. Make it clear that you’re willing to support her but need love, sex and respect back. Is that something you can both work on together?
She is clearly someone
with a lot of creativity and energy.
At the moment she’s channelling her frustrations into blitzing your home, but she is going over the top.
Keeping the house clean is her way of maintaining control, but she’s throwing her time away.
She needs to find a new outlet for her talents. She mustn’t feel ashamed about leaning on her parents, but, equally, she needs to brush herself off and start again.
Her working life is by no means over yet. What can she do next?