Bill and insurance jargon

When we were told many moons ago that consumers would be the real beneficiaries of deregulated markets, nobody foresaw the enormous pain in the backside that it has become to switch provider every year for the rest of our living days.

The energy providers have this down to a fine art, where you get nailed for exorbitant rates if you are foolish enough to think that you have better things to occupy your limited memory with apart from the 12 month deadline when each account automatically clicks on to a higher price plan.

And try as you might to compare different offerings from different providers, you’ll be gradually worn down with the maze of caveats and options that each company will put your way.

Mobile phone providers figured out years ago pricing plans that were conveniently incomparable to their direct competitors.

Electricity suppliers are at the same game, bamboozling punters with one offering low unit rates, but high meter charges, another the opposite, yet another putting caps on units available at certain rates and more muddying the waters with switching bonuses.

Of course finding a bill that shows what you’ve actually used over the last year can be like looking for the fourth secret of Fatima, especially if you’ve unwittingly signed up to paperless billing where all your bills lie in some cloud that you have to register to before getting access. That’s yet another password to remember.

And yes, I did start off complaining about the mountains of paper that some service providers seem determined to drown us in, while I’m now giving out about the lack of paper.

Which is the ultimate outcome of all encounters with these service providers: that of feeling like a completely incompetent idiot by the end of it all.

I console myself with the fact that one of the greatest minds that ever graced the planet — Einstein — always found himself completely flummoxed by his electricity bill. We’re in good company!