Life lessons
Yvonne Tiernan, presenter of RTÉ online series The Couch, on what being a mother has taught her
ALL THE BIGGEST EMOTIONS YOU CAN POSSIBLY HAVE ARE ALL WRAPPED UP IN YOUR CHILDREN
I remember somebody once saying it’s like taking out your heart and putting it on legs and letting it walk off out the door, down to school. It’s so enormous that you can freak yourself out when you sit down and really think about it; just that they’re people and they’re vulnerable and it’s very hard to think of them being vulnerable to anything.
I FEEL MORE OF A RESPONSIBILITY NOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
Physically, to get health checks, to eat well for the most part, to try to exercise, to stay alive because not being there for them is unthinkable for me. I’m an older mother, I had my last baby in my forties so I want to be around and I want to be part of everything and be here to witness as much of their lives as I possibly can.
THERE’S REASSURANCE IN ROUTINE
I’m very routined and I think that came from having Isobel and Louis so close together. I found that being very organised to the point of slight obsessiveness was kind of a coping mechanism.
Having everything made, everything done, everything ready to go, I found it easier to manage two very small kids. Because Theo was a premature baby, there’s a security for me in routines and I think children thrive on them as well. Having said that, it’s good to break it up every now and then and do something different. But I enjoy the routine of it and I feel really satisfied at the end of the night when they’re all snuggled up in bed and everything is ready to go in the morning. It’s a nice motherly nurturing feeling to be taking care of them like that.
HAVING CHILDREN MAKES YOU WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON
Before you have kids, you want to be better for yourself. But when you have kids, you want to be better for them and you love them more so it makes you work harder at it.
I’D LIKE MY CHILDREN TO FEEL THEY CAN DO ANYTHING THEY WANT
Their parents don’t have conventional jobs, if you like. We don’t work in a bank or we’re not accountants and lawyers and I’d like them to feel that they can spend their lives trying and doing things that they enjoy and that they’re capable of trying out all those things.
I’d like them to be determined. I’d like them to be kind, to continue to be kind. They’re really kind little people and their dad is a very kind person. I think I’m very resourceful. I’ve always felt if I wanted to do something, I’d find a way of doing it myself and I want them to feel like that. I’d like them to feel like they can rely on themselves and to be very loyal to each other and take care of each other — that’s very important to me.
I’d like them to have fun as well. There’s a lot of seriousness in the world out there. There’s a lot of responsibility and I always want them to be safe but I want them to have fun and laugh, find people who make them laugh and find people who love them, and where they can be themselves and enjoy life, be happy, and feel like they’ve lived a life.
DON’T LISTEN TO ANY HORROR STORIES WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT
And know and trust for sure that when you meet the person your body is building, it will be the best experience that you’ll ever have in your life, for the rest of your life.
I hate when people are pregnant and everyone is telling them that’s the end of sleep for you or it’s the end of your freedom. It is challenging.
I had difficult pregnancies and there were times when I didn’t know if the baby was going to be OK or not. But you forget about all of that when they look into your eyes. It’s indescribable and it’s other-worldly, and it’s a love and an experience that isn’t possible anywhere else. Be optimistic and enjoy it.