Martin puts the Taoiseach in spin with blunt charge of ‘propaganda’
FEVERISH preparations are underway at the new Strategic Communications Unit for what will be the most spectacular and creative democracy the world has ever known.
Hold onto your hats because this will put us on the map for respectful citizenship. It will be the only thing people are talking about from Trump’s Washington to North Korea.
Firstly, the unit has decided to scrap the term ‘Government’ as being essentially meaningless in this era of new politics.
Instead, it will be known as the ‘National Body of Togetherness’, or ‘Le Chéile’ as Gaeilge.
All the magnificence of this new roadmap for the Irish nation has been set out in a white paper which civil servants drafted by night over a couple of weeks, a hobby they enjoyed.
The details will be unveiled in a mystical Celtic video made gratis by a grateful TV producer who inspired Bono and Bob Geldof to get on board to recite a free-style poem in unison.
It’s a little chaotic and Geldof has mispronounced a couple of Irish place names but this adds to the charm.
The prayer and reflection before each Dáil sitting will be scrapped in favour of a beautiful symphony of music, water and light powered by lasers, fountain jets and visual projectors.
To facilitate this, the floor of the chamber in Leinster House will be removed and a water system installed. The janitor will do this in his spare time as a fun project.
The unit is also toying with the idea of doing away entirely with the Dáil sittings in favour of a rolling series of pop-up festivals in Merrion Square, with richly vibrant workshops exploring issues such as housing, health and education through the medium of mime. The drama societies of the various third-level institutions could facilitate.
Government papers will be printed in comic sans typeface just to keep things fun and ironic.
Central to the scheme, the drudge of the next general election will be supplanted by a colourful and diverse parade through Dublin City Centre, on the theme of Building a Nation of One Heart.
The actual voting process will thus be unnecessary.
This could be a pro bono project undertaken by the arts world.
The sum cost of this lasting legacy for the Irish nation?
Cost neutral, funnily enough – but when we see how uplifting and beneficial it is, we will happily hand over a lot of money, say €5m, just to keep this powerhouse going.
But Micheál Martin proved to be disappointingly unhip when it came to seeing the merit of this new asset, rather shockingly describing it as a “propaganda unit designed to sell a political message on behalf of the Government”.
Leo blinked in shock. In fact, the entire Government front bench looked decidedly uneasy at this exchange during Leaders Questions.
The Fianna Fáil leader, with Stephen Donnelly at his right elbow, said he had learned “with some surprise” that the Strategic Communications Unit would in fact cost €5m, having been presented as cost neutral.
He had a number of issues with it, he said – the cost, the politicisation of a public service.
He also wanted to know about the appointment of the head of the unit, John Concannon – the figure behind such initiatives as the Gathering and the 2016 commemorations.
Martin was stern and it appeared to catch the Taoiseach somewhat on the back foot as he suggested it had taken place without public competition.
The Taoiseach insisted Mr Concannon was appointed by the secretary general in the department.
“I discussed it with the secretary general obviously before I appointed him as ... or before I ...or before I asked if he would be available to be appointed,” he stumbled.
“You appointed him, this was entirely political,” said the Fianna Fáil leader.
Leo seemed to wince fractionally as Martin spoke scathingly of their understanding of his “obsession” with communications.
They had put the cost of the unit in the Budget because they wanted to be “as transparent” as they could be, the Taoiseach replied steadily.
It would be cost neutral because it would be paid for from the existing resources within his own department.
In fact, in the long run, it will actually save money, he claimed.
It would inform people of their entitlements – many people might be unaware that they could be entitled to the €10 increase in some family payments and they would need to know that so they could apply for it, explained Leo.
But the more the uncomfortable exchange went on, the less everybody in the chamber appeared convinced.
This appointment was no different to Mr Concannon’s work with the 2016 commemorations or the Gathering, Leo insisted.
“You appointed the person,” warned Martin.
The unit is also toying with the idea of doing away entirely with the Dáil sittings in favour of a rolling series of pop-up festivals in Merrion Square