Mandy Johnston: Ditch the phone and be present at Christmas
CHRISTMAS Day is traditionally a time for family and friends. It is about spending large periods of time with people you do not see all year long while you all try not to kill each other. This year, please keep an eye out for an unwelcome little guest that has crept into our living rooms. Sometimes this sneaky pocket-sized interloper even manages to find a place at the festive dinner table. Bah humbug!
Yes, it’s the smartphone, folks, and it’s 10 years old this Christmas.
Over the past decade there is simply no way to ignore its ubiquitous presence in our daily lives. At Christmas time, in particular, it can cause no end of vexation. To some it is the embodiment of an adult/ teenage ‘pacifier’; to others it’s as unwelcome a visitor as the dysfunctional family sociopath.
As we assemble to celebrate Christmas, some will revel in the freedom of not having to check their phones incessantly for fear they might miss some valuable work or world development. Others will bitterly resent even the smallest passage of time when tradition and manners dictate that they must spend a moment apart from their beloved gadgets.
More of us will cling to the familiarity of device distraction as we roll around our sofas watching television, mindlessly scrolling while trying not to be physically sick from over-eating and downing one too many Baileys.
Originally invented to keep us connected to our friends and families, smartphone overuse has become a major reason for our disengagement with the reality around us. A whopping 90pc of Irish adults now have at least one smartphone. We use it for virtually everything, including all of the things we traditionally used computers and laptops for, especially work. Unfortunately, this also means that work is literally in our hands every second of the day.
The intensified habitual overuse of smartphones has led to a lot of physical and psychological effects. The issue is so serious that a word has now been invented just for it – nomophobia. It is the term given to phone addicts who completely lose their minds when they are separated from their phones.
A recent study by Deloitte revealed that Irish adults look at their mobile phone 57 times a day. This is slightly higher than the average European rate of 41 times per day, probably down to Ireland’s innate predilection towards nosiness and ‘the chats’. Even more frightening, however, is the admission that 16pc of Irish people are looking at their phone more than 100 times a day.
Every woman in the country is probably nodding in agreement now, believing these statistics confirm their teenager, husband or father is the worst offender in the world. Well, you are not alone. Recently a humorous video clip of Michelle Obama snatching a mobile phone from her former president husband’s hands went viral, confirming that no couple is immune to the annoying phone phenomena. Plenty of men also feel pretty aggrieved. A male friend told me recently that he felt his wife was having a 24/7 affair with her mobile phone, and that the only way to grab her attention was to post something on Twitter.
Fear not, a possible chink of light prevails as 47pc of Irish people at least admit that they look at their phone too much. Realisation perhaps that life cannot be held simply in the palm of one’s hand and that real life exists way beyond the hypnotic trance of scrolling our days away.
In an effort to examine the impact of a ‘day in the life’ without a mobile phone, I switched mine off for a full 24 hours, relying solely on human contact and emails (I am not quite capable of complete detachment in a business sense).
So, for an entire day I missed all the tweets, the Facebook likes, the hilarious gifs, the Instagram posts, the minute-by-minute news and sport updates from around the world, and the company of thousands of strangers I will never really know.
I am no stranger to this practice: digital detoxing is both refreshing and relaxing. On this occasion however, I decided to monitor the reaction of others. It was enlightening to say the least. Inconsequential unanswered text and voice messages caused no real problems for me; for others, though, there was a lot of angst.
The messages on voicemail and via text over the course of the day started off civil enough. As the day progressed they became increasingly frustrated by the lack of
immediate attention. So much so that I was surprised my name hadn’t popped up on ‘CrimeCall’, a milk carton, or some missing persons list.
Eventually when I did return calls, there was no end of questions about why I went missing and what was wrong with me. Offended is the only way to describe the reaction of many.
So here is a word of advice about phone etiquette, especially at Christmas.
This Christmas, if someone does not call you back immediately, consider that they may be digitally detoxing or may just need a break from being constantly ‘on’. Whatever the reason, it may really be a polite way of saying they don’t want to talk to you.
Sometimes people just do not want to engage. It’s not something you should be offended by, but something that you should respect.
THE demand from others to be ‘always on’ can be annoying and distracting when people are carving out time for themselves and their families. As we increase our online presence, the boundaries of what we expect from others in terms of availability changes radically.
If you are one of those people who chooses to be ‘always on’, that is your own decision. But at least respect the fact that others may not wish to be as constantly present as you are.
So, whether you are responsible for all the festive arrangements, or if you are preparing to lazily bask in the organisational skills of someone whose planning style rivals Rommel, think about the people who exist in your reality.
Give your tired little brain a break, set aside some time to do your telephonic chores, then put your phone away for a few hours.
It’s hard enough trying not to kill several family members without the added distraction of another unwanted blinking guest.
Listen without scrolling; talk without texting; store memories not selfies; give your full attention to real people around you rather than some inanimate object.
On Christmas Day, try to respect others by being physically present for them.
It might well be the best present you give someone this year. Happy Christmas.
Listen without scrolling; talk without texting; store memories not selfies