‘I’M WEANING MYSELF OFF THE ADDICTION... I COULDN’T BE ARSED’

No year can end without the announcement of my Ivano Awards – an eclectic selection of people and august institutions who failed to escape my attention

GERRY Adams, according to hype inside and hopes outside his party, was set to win in a canter; only it turned out to be an announcement about an announcement. Vincent Browne left his unique brand of late-night TV3 hectoring a year earlier than anticipated. Nóirín O’Sullivan’s hasty but inevitable exit was a political master-stroke.

My winner is Enda Kenny. Having led Fine Gael since 2002, and the country since 2011, Kenny stepped aside to leave both better off than when he inherited them. His endless stamina sustained him through almost a decade in Opposition. He chaired Cabinet with a calm effective demeanour – securing a singular focus on the economic recovery.

A hat-trick of touch-stone moments benchmarked his demise: a 2016 eve of poll rant in his hometown Castlebar railing against “all Ireland whingers”; denying he’d ousted Garda commissioner Martin Callinan – leaving Alan Shatter to allege that Kenny had “a casual relationahip with the truth”; and in February 2017: fairy-tales about Children’s Minister Katherine Zappone cautioning her to take detailed minutes when meeting Maurice McCabe.

PRIG OF THE YEAR

MY most obsequious award. Deferential appreciation of the most self-righteous national waffler. Highly commended are two journalists who raise the moral tone; ever vigilant to condemn anyone falling short of their lofty standards.

Olivia O’Leary regularly intones preachy broadcast and print utterings that make mere mortals wilt. This year she extended her virtuosity into poetry.

She is surpassed in the sanctimonious stakes by multiple award-winning ‘Irish Times’ writer Fintan O’Toole, whose levels of indignation about media people, politicians and business leaders never ceases to underscore the heights of his integrity. His superiority deserves reverential respect from ordinary hacks.

Fintan will eventually attain a special ‘lifetime contribution’ Prig gong, but is edged out in 2017. My winner is Bono (below). He completed U2’s uber successful ‘Joshua Tree’ anniversary tour and album ‘Songs of Experience’. No concert or interview is complete without a sermon on guilt tripping, first-world indifference to global inequality, and championing human rights causes.

The ‘Paradise Papers’ revealed some of U2’s tax arrangements. The hiss of hypocrisy from the cheap seats makes him a worthy winner. His failure to promptly condemn (like Bob Geldof) Myanmar leader Aung San Suu Kyi was a stain on Bono’s saintly status.

CLANGER OF THE YEAR

The Department of Justice wins a Special Recognition Achievement award for consistent systemic failure to be transparent, accountable or to modernise; holding secrecy as its core value despite Dáil questions and tribunal evidence obligations.

Three nominees for poor judgment or inherent incompetence each sold us a pup. Department of Finance/Revenue Commissioners couldn’t even establish a joint escrow bank

account to hold Apple’s €13bn tax windfall throughout the year. It seems absurdly at odds with their routine treatment of ordinary Joe’s/ Josephine’s across the country. Their sloppy spadework drew the unnecessary extra ire of the EU Commission, just when our preferential tax treatment of multinationals faced renewed calls for harmonisation.

Horse Racing Ireland (HRI) continues to hold race meetings at the Curragh racecourse during its two-year phase of redevelopment. Similar flagship US and European racecourses, including Royal Ascot and Longchamp, relocated temporarily during the demolition and reconstruction with success. Total race meetings attendances for the year were down.

My stand-out winners are our blazer friends that said we’d host the Rugby World Cup finals in 2023. We were repeatedly reassured that we offered the best organisation, infrastructure, public investment support and unique atmosphere. We finished a bad third out of three behind South Africa in technical assessments. Not having adequate broadband was a worry. Yet we cried foul. Ultimately, we finished third again this time behind France. We went on to point the finger at our neighbouring home nations.

We were duped. Lulled into a false hope. Our lack of past experience and even naiveté only became apparent in retrospect. Having been rudely exposed, the alickadoos whinged in a blame game – rather than admitting to

our own failings.

SPORTSPERSON OFTHEYEAR

Aidan O’Brien and Joe Schmidt are professional world leaders at what they do, putting us at the summit of international rankings. Joe Canning’s perennial hurling feats finally got his just reward in 2017.

But the hat-trick of Sam Maguire’s puts Jim Gavin (inset) into a special amateur category garnering immortal GAA laurels. Begrudgers of Dublin football abound in the media. Gavin’s unrelenting attention to detail, motivation, changing team selections, professionalism and (prickly) privacy entitles him to be a worthy outright winner.

U-TURN OF THE YEAR

Michael

O’Leary, recognising trade unions in Ryanair. He’s transformed from buccaneering entrepreneur to corporate suit.

REFUSNIKS OF THE YEAR

Political Nordies. SF/DUP repeatedly failed to establish a government. Despite multiple elections, they refuse to do their paid jobs; harnessing sectarian tribal divisions instead of seeking cross-community consensus.

TWIT OF THE YEAR

Conor McGregor (left) surpassing previous toxic levels of obnoxious boorish behaviour since his mega non-event pay-day with MoneyWeather. A court appearance and pub brawl added to his offensive repertoire.

ABSENTEE OF THE YEAR

Transport Minister Shane Ross failing to make semi-State board appointments, meet delegations, expedite essential capital projects or attend to important Government business.

STROKE OF THE YEAR

Máire Whelan’s rushed judicial appointment to the Court of Appeal, despite no bench experience. Unanswered questions remain about her knowledge of the State smear of Maurice McCabe.

Judges don’t appear before tribunals.

NONSENSE OF THE YEAR

Dublin City Council’s motion to fly the Catalan flag.

Ivano notoriety to the victors. Happy new year to my loyal readers.