Sinead Moriarty: All children really want is your time
WHAT do children really want? What will they remember and what is the greatest gift you can give them? Difficult questions to answer? Or is the answer really simple after all?
Alastair McAlpine, a palliative paediatrician in South Africa, was sick and tired of seeing negative stories appearing on his Twitter feed so he decided to share some of the positive and inspiring thoughts of the terminally ill children under his care.
The reaction to his Twitter thread has gone viral and it’s easy to see why.
This man who has devoted his life to working with children who will never reach adulthood has reminded us that it’s the simple things that matter.
Forget the grand gestures. Forget about fancy bicycles and the newest, shiniest football boots or life-size dolls with sparkly dresses … kids just want kindness, laughter and ice cream.
As I sit in my house surrounded by Christmas gifts falling off already stuffed shelves, this message really spoke to me. We surround ourselves and our children with ‘stuff’.
We think that buying them things will make them happy, when what they really treasure is family time doing simple things – walks on the beach, board games, playing with the dog.
When Dr McAlpine shared the honest and moving answers from these beautiful little souls who are facing the end of their short lives, he had no idea that the reaction would be so strong.
Only the hardest heart could not be moved by the simple messages these terminally ill children (between the ages of four and nine) gave their doctor about their wishes and reflections on life.
Dr McAlpine tweeted: “NONE said they wished they’d watched more TV. NONE said they should’ve spent more time on Facebook. NONE said they enjoyed fighting with others. NONE enjoyed hospital.”
Many of the children did, however, wish they had spent less time worrying about what other people thought. They valued people who just treated them normally.
“My real friends didn’t care when my hair fell out.” “Jane came to visit after the surgery and didn’t even notice the scar!”
Animals played a huge part in their lives as they loved talking about their favourite pets.
“I love Rufus, his funny bark makes me laugh”; “I love when Ginny snuggles up to me at night and purrs”; “I was happiest riding Jake on the beach.”
Every child said they loved books. They adored being read to or being told stories by their parents. “Harry Potter made me feel brave”; “I love stories in space!”; “I want to be a
Every child said they loved books. They adored being read to or being told stories by their parents. The children also loved people who made them laugh and they all said they loved ice cream. Almost every child said they cherished kindness... But most of all they valued time with their family. Nothing was more important to them
great detective like Sherlock Holmes when I’m better!”
The children also mentioned cuddling up with favourite teddies in bed. They loved people who made them laugh and they all said they loved ice cream.
Almost every child said they cherished kindness. “My granny is so kind to me. She always makes me smile”; “Jonny gave me half his sandwich when I didn’t eat mine. That was nice.” “I like it when that kind nurse is here. She’s gentle. And it hurts less.”
But most of all they valued time with their family. Nothing was more important to them.
Heartbreakingly, many of the young children were worried about how their parents would cope when they passed away.
“Hope mum will be OK. She seems sad”; “Dad mustn’t worry. He’ll see me again soon”; “God will take care of my mum and dad when I’m gone.”
It’s such a difficult profession to choose and it requires exceptional people to help these children end their short lives with peace and dignity.
DR McAlpine explains he decided to train in palliative care because he saw a huge gap in paediatric care. “When it came to kids dying, it seemed we weren’t prepared for what to do,” he says.
“The best part of my job now is that I get to meet these extraordinary children and families. I walk a special road with them.”
Of the most difficult part of his job, dealing with the death of young children, he says: “As horrible as it is when a child dies, one of the best rewards is a dignified and pain-free death.
“If I can make their lives slightly less bad, it’s worthwhile. That keeps me going.”
The message is clear and oh so simple.
Put down your phones, be kind. Read to your children, spend time with them. Go to the beach, make jokes, let the dog sleep in their bedroom, tell them you love them and cherish every precious moment … I’m off to stock up on ice cream, lots of it.