Sinead Ryan
I’m all at sea over the right way to go
ANYONE who knows me knows that, among my many faults, is the fact that I have absolutely no sense of direction. Now, I don’t mean I can’t point due north, or find my way across the city. I mean that I find right and left a taxing concept.
Whatever gene turns on spatial skills is firmly switched off in my brain.
I turn the wrong way out of shops I’ve just walked into and am half way back up the street complaining all the fashions look the same this year before realising why.
I can confidently find my way to only two city centre car parks, even using Google Maps, and always park only there before using public transport to go everywhere else. A diversion sign sends me into a tailspin.
If I’m asked to an event, my first question is always, “Where is it on?” If I can’t get there in my head, I don’t even get into the car.
If this sounds cumbersome (and expensive), well, you’re right. It is debilitating, yet attempts to ‘educate’ me, by saying things like, “you can’t miss it”, “head east”, or “keep the sea to your left” are met with a blank look.
My imaginary lotto win luxury is a chauffeur.
So, you can imagine my excitement when I first heard about driverless cars. Where do I sign up? Imagine – a computer driving me about, stress free and certainly more trustworthy than me!
But there have been terrible accidents involving both Uber and Tesla’s ‘autonomous’ cars, one only last week. But we’re told it’s the future.
Only time will tell if the entire safety record is better.
And then, I’ll be first in line.
Giant ‘M’ sticker idea is inspired
SPEAKING of transport, you’ll recall Irish Rail launched a ‘Baby on Board’ badge for mums-to-be last year to prompt fellow passengers to offer up a seat on the train for them. Because there’s nothing embarrassing about emblazoning a fertility symbol on your chest and a big bump isn’t enough of a hint.
The verdict? Well most passengers didn’t bother looking up from their phones to see the badge, so still required a spirited cough and tap on the shoulder to get the message.
Now, ITV’s ‘Loose Women’ star Andrea McLean has called on badges for menopausal women to be made available so they won’t have to ask commuters if it’s OK to open a window to relieve a hot flush. It’s inspired.
After all, what part of a red-faced, profusely sweating, hormonally sensitive fellow passenger would you not want to open a window for? Or stay well away from, at any rate?
A giant ‘M’ sticker, preferably with flashing lights, is the least we can offer to passengers unfortunate to find themselves sat beside us when we’re in the throes of hyper-ventilating palpitations, ready to tear the head off anyone who looks sideways, or our ovaries bursting into tears when a cute baby pops up on our Facebook page? McLean’s demands come with experience. A hysterectomy due to endometriosis plunged her into early menopause.
“I would literally be sitting in a TV studio with sweat running down my back while interviewing A-list stars, trying to hold it all together,” she said. “
My whole body, my scalp, was absolutely soaked. I had [sanitary] pads under each arm… and people are horrible.”
Being pregnant, by comparison, is child’s play. Trust me.
Daffodils bring us hope in the snow
AFTER the deluge that was Storm Emma – the ‘Beast from the East’ left us in no doubt that we have no control over the weather, no matter what we think – came another dumping of snow the day after St Patrick’s Day and even talk of a snowy Easter, for which the only possible advantage will be a guilt-free excuse to eat even more chocolate.
But amid the white out, I still spotted the bright yellow heads of brave daffodils popping out to remind us it is indeed spring, no matter that Mother Nature is messing with our heads.
They can be spotted along roadsides and in gardens and are to me, the most hopeful and hardy of flowers.
It’s fitting then, that today is Daffodil Day and what better reason do you need to purchase a little talisman against the wild weather (and the scourge of cancer).
So, buy a little bunch today for the Irish Cancer Society, if you can, or text ‘Daff’ to 50300 for €4.