LIFE LESSONS

Performer Camille O’Sullivan ,whois mother to Leila (4), her daughter with her former partner, musician Mike Scott, on what parenthood has taught her

Performer Camille O’Sullivan on what being a parent has taught her

I WAS REALLY SCARED MY WHOLE LIFE WOULD CHANGE AFTER HAVING A BABY

I worried that I wouldn’t be able to perform because it’s quite a precarious career. It’s hard enough to do it when you’re by yourself, never mind when you have to take care of a little one. In many ways it was a really freeing thing for myself as a person because it wasn’t about me anymore, especially as a performer and that was brilliant. Now I can dedicate my life to trying to guide this little one to have a happy life and take care of her.

I realised that all the things I worried about came through but were really great. And I then thought, ‘I wish I’d done this earlier’. But maybe I wouldn’t have been able to give her all the chances and all the things she has if I had. And also, friends who don’t have children, I know how hard it can be sometimes so yes, it’s wonderful to be a parent, and I wouldn’t want it any other way but also I know there’s part of my life before that I miss.

But of course when you have a little one and their beautiful innocent way of looking at things, you melt and you make sure you’re stronger at making choices and saying ‘no, I can’t do that’. Before I would have taken everything because it was just me, but now I think that it has to be worthwhile before I take her away with me. Your decisions come from her now.

I DON’T THINK MY DAUGHTER HAS A CLUE WHAT I DO

Her father is a musician and my partner (Game of Thrones star Aidan Gillen) is an actor so she probably just thinks it’s quite normal. She’s quite a shy person herself but full of life. What she calls my singing is ‘boom boom’ and she then says ‘my mum is the greatest singer in the world’ to her dad and we laugh about it. I don’t bring her too much to the stage. She’s seen me once rehearsing and she put her little headphones on to protect her ears. Performing is like quite a child-like thing anyway, kind of living fairytales and fantasies on stage, so she’s doing that in her own life, dancing around the room. She probably thinks everyone’s parents does this and she’s going to find out one day that they don’t.

THE BEST TIME I EVER PERFORMED WAS WHEN I WAS PREGNANT

I’m usually quite nervous as a performer and I remember feeling grounded and worrying about the baby. Then, when she born, I thought I wouldn’t be able to get back on the stage but three weeks after she was born, I got a call from London going, look, we’re doing this show with Yoko Ono in the Royal Festival Hall and she wants you and Patti Smith and Boy George to sing on stage. I sat there for a few hours going: ‘I got to do this, I can’t say no to Yoko Ono’ and I had a really brilliant gig. I wasn’t terrified because I think my head was melted so much by feeding a baby and it was the first time I had to leave her be with my mum that night, and I did not like that at all. I always bring people with me on stage, in the sense of affection to my friends and my parents and then having my daughter, she’s very much with me in my head. If I get anxious about anything, I just think that I have this little one at home that I’ve got to go home to and cuddle so everything is going to be OK.

I’VE ALWAYS LOVED MAKING THINGS BUT I’VE GONE TO ANOTHER LEVEL

Anytime I’m off tour I love making her stuff. As you get older, work is important but to be honest, I want to make her life so happy and she’s at the age where it’s full on but four is the loveliest age and making Lego is high on my list. It’s much higher than playing a big venue and I’m happy with that. I think when the economy went down, a lot of people thought it was about money and where you were in your job and then they thought ‘I just want to have a life’ and that’s what a child reminds you of on a daily basis.

MY PARENTING STYLE IS ALL OVER THE SHOP, WITH GREAT LOVE AND AFFECTION

I’d be the less structured parent. We co-parent very closely together and everything is totally agreed, we keep very close contact so that she has continuity. I give her ballet lessons and swimming classes, French classes. I’m making stuff with her, painting with her and I’m very hands-on in creative stuff. Maybe not the best in my timekeeping but I do think structure is a major thing for a child and I understand that so in a way it gives me a bit of structure too, which is good. I’m learning.

I’VE REALISED I’VE GOTTEN INTO THE STRICTNESS OF ICE CREAM AND CHOCOLATES AND MAGAZINES

It gets out of control. I definitely think I’m talking like my mum saying, ‘In my day we never had this’. So my daughter is allowed two chocolates a week, an ice cream on a Sunday and a magazine on a Saturday. I came from the era before the Celtic Tiger happened and I see all the kids in their early twenties and they’re really confident, which is brilliant, but also so much is given to them so I’m just trying to keep an eye on it so I don’t spoil her too much. And that’s hard, because when you love a little one, you want to give them everything.

LIFE IS QUITE A TOUGH THING FOR MOST PEOPLE

You should try and hang onto your childhood as much as possible and enjoy it. It’s probably why I became a performer — even though it does my head in and I have anxieties and nerves like the rest of people — I think it is sometimes just to hang on to that side of yourself. Don’t worry as much and just enjoy the flowers and breathe in.

Camille performs in ‘The Rape of Lucrece’ by William Shakespeare at the Gate Theatre Dublin nightly until April 7 with a Saturday matinee. See gatetheatre.ie. Her show ‘Where Are We Now’ comes to The Olympia Theatre, Dublin on November 24. See camilleosullivan.com

BEING A PARENT IS WONDERFUL BUT THERE IS ALSO PART OF MY OLD LIFE THAT I MISS