W erethe independent women at St George’s Chapel alone or lonely?
Meghan Markle was universally applauded for her decision to walk down half of the aisle solo on Saturday. It was an intentional statement of empowerment with a strong feminist message. She didn’t need a man to give her away: she could give herself away, thank you very much.
The type of woman who chooses to walk herself down the aisle is generally raised by a woman who is just as comfortable going it alone. So it shouldn’t be at all surprising that Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, walked into St George’s Chapel alone, and then sat alone for the duration of the ceremony.
What is surprising, however, is that while Meghan’s deliberate statement of independence was celebrated; her mother’s natural state of self-reliance was interrogated.
Doria, according to more than one opinion piece that appeared shortly after the wedding, “cut a lonely figure” during the ceremony. Why was she sitting alone, asked the Twitter mob. Where was her escort or plus one? We’re all for female empowerment but, for heaven’s sake, surely somebody could have found poor, lonely Doria a playmate — preferably a male one, with a vague romantic connection. The wedding of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry was billed as a feminist affair but it transpires that some people only like the idea of an independent woman. They like the Beyoncé quotes, the Sheryl Sandberg books and the feminist wedding statements, but they don’t know what to do when faced with the reality of a woman who truly doesn’t need a man.
This is probably why Paul Burrell was christened as Princess Diana’s ‘Rock’ way back when. In truth, he was an upwardly mobile butler, tasked with reining in the royal family’s original feminist. It just suited us better to think that this female maverick had male back-up.
In later years, the iconic photograph of Diana sitting at the end of the diving board on Mohamed Fayed’s yacht personified the idea that a woman alone is a women who is lonely. Women in the public eye weren’t allowed time out for quiet contemplation back then. They had to be accompanied by someone — anyone — lest they looked sad and pathetic. Times have since changed, or have they? In a culture that purports to salute the woman that stands alone, why was Doria Ragland pitied for attending her daughter’s wedding without a plus one? Is it that we support strong, fierce, independent women — just not the ones that challenge the social stigma of doing things alone?
Or is it all about the optics? Would Doria have been pitied for sitting alone if she looked less delicate and more commanding? Nobody pitied Oprah for arriving to the wedding without a plus one. We’ve all seen The Colour Purple... Yet bockety-kneed Fergie, who also arrived solo, aroused people’s pity once again. “Maybe Doria and Fergie should sit together!” suggested more than one person on Twitter.
It would never occur to these people that some women — whisper it — might actually enjoy attending an event alone (and leaving whenever they damn like).
Doria, don’t forget, is a social worker, who helps groups of people function more cohesively, and a yogi who has no doubt travelled solo to yoga retreats around the world. In other words, she can integrate with ease into unusual social dynamics. And who knows — she may even enjoy it...
The royal wedding proved that we celebrate independent women up to a point. We like the idea of a woman who doesn’t need a man, just as long as she has a plus one for a wedding. We commend the woman who books a table for one, just as long as she brings a book so that fellow diners don’t think she’s been stood up.
We take our hats off to the woman who embarks on a solo journey, just as long as it’s more Eat, Pray, Love than Shirley
Valentine. And we stand shoulder to shoulder with the woman who pours herself a glass of wine at the end of the day, just as long as it’s at home and not in a bar where people might ask questions.
Doria Ragland raised a woman who was confident enough to walk down the aisle alone, but apparently she needed somebody to hold her hand while she enjoyed this very special moment.
Saturday’s royal wedding was a feminist affair alright, but it celebrated a certain type of independent woman: the type who has a powerful, self-assured stride or, failing that, the type who has a man by her side.