Love Island is back - quick, run
LOVE ISLAND ITV/BE3, TONIGHT, 9PM
IT’S that time of the year again when we’re all reminded that not only is our culture doomed in the long run, but it may already have been irrevocably destroyed. And what’s worse, we have nobody to blame but ourselves.
Yes, the second season of Love Island (ITV/be3, tonight, 9pm) starts tonight and that seems like an appropriate time to abandon all faith in our species.
Due to the unfortunate and frequently inhumane demands of this job, I had to watch a few episodes of the first season and while it may not have been quite as depressing as reading Cormac McCarthy while listening to Leonard Cohen, it wasn’t quite far off.
In fact, I found myself wishing that most of the people on the show met the kind of grim fate that usually awaits characters in a McCarthy novel.
Presented by Caroline Flack, Love Island is basically a Club 18-30 (remember those?) holiday caught on camera.
A bunch of people land in a resort and immediately try to start shagging each other, with all the usual fake tears and phony tantrums that invariably entails.
But they are all individuals! They are all fascinating people!
One of them, Eyal, denies that he is just a pretty face and is keen to stress that “I’m like, actually really spiritual”.
Danny Dyer’s daughter, Dani, is appearing and she says that her famous dad has “no problem with me having sex on screen”, which is lovely.
The there’s someone called Kendall, who has already fretted that she is too famous to appear on the show because, as she modestly puts it, “me and my ex used to be known as the Posh and Becks of Blackpool”.
If that doesn’t impress you – well then, you are obviously jaded and tired of life.
Then there’s 27-year-old Alex, who is unique amongst the cast because he actually serves a useful function in life by being an A&E doctor, although he has his sights set higher than that, by admitting that “I think there’s room for a new TV doctor”.
That’s certainly a new one and the next time you see someone from the NHS appear on a UK news channel bemoaning the difficulty of keeping emergency staff in their hospitals you’ll know the reason – they’ve all buggered off to make audition tapes to become the next Dr Christian Jessen and host Embarrassing Bodies...
It’s going to be a long, depressing summer...
Finally, an apology to Coronation Street. I take it all back – their use of ‘Atmosphere’ by Joy Division, combined with a clever nod to Anton Corbijn’s video was quite inspired the other night.