Families who are top of the class
How do other families juggle the morning madness, afterschool care, sports and homework — and get a decent meal on the table too? Alex Meehan finds out
Parents’ top tips for staying sane during the school days scramble
WITH summer winding down and September just about here, families around the country are preparing to head back to school. But making the transition from a long summer holiday back to a school-centric routine can be tricky.
With the right planning however, there’s no reason it can’t go smoothly. That’s the message from senior clinical psychologist Sara O’Byrne, who runs the Treehouse Practice in Dublin where she works with families and children of all ages.
“Summer is an important time for kids to relax and recharge, but it’s also an opportunity for children to consolidate the skills they’ve learned throughout the year. Parents can help by keeping up the social, emotional, learning and behavioural skills they’ve acquired, not just academic skills,” she says.
“It’s also important to keep up peer connections, meeting up with class mates and planning play dates or outings. That continuity is important.”
According to O’Byrne, if kids are in any way anxious about transitioning back to school, it’s important to start planning for that well before the term itself arrives.
“Talk about what will be the same, what will be different, about having a new teacher, maybe even using role play to help manage fears depending on the child’s age. It’s also important to gradually pull back the bedtimes, as they do go out the window over the summer months,” she says.
Kids starting school for the first time need particularly careful management.
“Young children are very sensitive and learn by watching their parents reactions. If a parent is nervous or anxious about their child going to school for the first time, the child will read that clearly. So be aware of your own reaction and again, teach them what to expect in concrete terms. Children like to know what to expect and what’s coming next.”
When to allow a child to have more responsibilities, like walking to and from school or owning a smartphone, is a thorny question and really depends on the capacity of the child as well as the judgement of the parents.
“When it comes to things like smartphones, it’s important to remember that children are under pressure from their peers to hit milestones like this earlier and earlier, and that can mean that they are not developmentally ready to deal with the consequences of having a smartphone,” says O’Byrne.
“So don’t feel under pressure to do what they want you to; rather, think about what’s best for the child. Are they aware and able to reflect on some of the risks and dangers in the world already? Do they come to you already for support when they’re having a problem? Is there an open dynamic in the relationship? That’s really important.”
Lucy Wolfe and Alan Burke are based in Cork and are the parents of four children, ranging in age from Jesse (15) and Ellen (13) to Ethan (10) and Harry (7). Wolfe works as a paediatric sleep consultant, helping families with young children who are suffering from sleep issues.
“In a professional capacity, I work with families that have young children and I recommend that they stick to a routine as much as possible. However, during the summer holidays with my own kids, things are a lot more relaxed,” she says.
“Obviously, during the summer there isn’t the same rush in the morning to make lunches and get everyone ready and out of the house.”
The only academic work Lucy’s children do over the summer holidays is reading.
“I make sure that they each have a list of books to work through and that’s a big deal. I don’t nag them, but they’re quite competitive and two of them love trying to outread each other which is great. I don’t worry so much about writing practice or other academic work,” she says.
“Chores are an important teaching tool in this house. With six people in the house, there is a lot to
be done and each child contributes in proportion to their age.
“Everyone has to help pull their weight. They have a lot of time on their hands in general, so they have jobs that have to get done each day during the summer. Obviously when September comes around, things change a little. They all still have chores and jobs to do, but we’re a bit more relaxed because they have other school responsibilities and extra-curricular activities as well,” says Lucy.
Lucy believes that once a child goes to secondary school, then their role around the house has to change as well.
“In primary school, it’s important they have some tasks and jobs that are theirs, but we’re a bit more relaxed with them. But once they start secondary school, it’s about training them to be adults and be able to function in the adult world.”
Siobhan O’Neill-White and her husband David are based in Balbriggan and have four children; Mitchell (15), Robyn (13), April (10) and Summer (6). She runs the parenting website mams.ie.
“I’m not a big believer in keeping kids working academically over the summer holidays. We’re lucky that our kids are readers anyway, and Summer in particular is very into colouring and drawing, so she will do that for fun anyway, and that helps with pencil ability,” says Siobhan.
“I encourage them to read at bedtime every night. There’s no TV, phones or tablets upstairs at night in our house. April loves David Walliams, Horrid Henry and the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series — it’s good for them to read to keep up their skills in that regard and in general I don’t like them to spend too much time on screens.”
Before school in term time, chores include making beds and tidying away laundry and tidying up after themselves at meals.
“I don’t think you’re doing kids any favours if you don’t make them do that — what kind of adult are you creating otherwise? As for walking to and from school, it depends on the age of the child and their personality. My six-year-old is seriously afraid of dogs for example, and if she met one on the footpath, she’d walk out on the road without thinking. So she’s too young yet,” says Siobhan.
“I also see a lot of kids walking around with headphones on and looking at their phones. They’re not aware of their surroundings at the best of times, so that’s just lethal.
“I think it’s ridiculous that some parents are buying school children of eight or nine smartphones. Your nine-year-old should never be somewhere without you knowing where they are, and that includes online. I particularly don’t want my children seeing influencers online and falling for the vacuous nature of that culture,” adds Siobhan.
I ENCOURAGE THEM TO READ AT BEDTIME EVERY NIGHT. THERE’S NO TV, PHONES OR TABLETS UPSTAIRS IN OUR HOUSE AT NIGHT