Helping hand for first days at big (and bigger) school

A solid routine can make a success of the move to a new school — for parent and child, writes psychologist David Coleman

David Coleman has advice for keeping children and parents happy in the school transition and beyond, plus, a word about phones...

IT’S THAT time when we have to start reorganising ourselves for the new school year. Hopefully you’ll have had a good summer and a chance to recharge your batteries, because there is no doubt that the return to school requires huge amounts of energy for parents and children. Often the two groups of children for whom it is the biggest adjustment are those starting school for the first time, and those moving to secondary school.

Junior Infants can be a scary time for any child, even one who has been settled and happy in preschool. The concept of school may not be as daunting for children now, as most will have availed of their ECCE year in preschool.

However, going to “big” school may still challenge some. The anticipation of this new environment, a new teacher and potentially lots of new children may be anxiety provoking for some. Most children, in truth, will settle quite quickly once they accommodate to the new surroundings, understand the new rules and make some friends. But for those who don’t settle quickly, we have to be patient and understanding, but firm about the fact that they have to go to school.

If your child does seem very anxious, think first about the messages you might be inadvertently sending. Perhaps you too are nervous about how they will cope, and you too may fear that they will be overwhelmed. Don’t underestimate how powerful your role modelling is for your son or daughter. Projecting your confidence in them may go a long way to helping them settle sooner.

Practically, most teachers will want you to drop and go, very efficiently, as they know that the longer you linger at the door of the class, or the school gate, the longer your child will be upset. Part of your child’s goal, if they are anxious at the separation from you, is to try to keep you with them. The tears and apparent trauma are probably subconsciously designed to do just that.

So, be kind and warm, but firm about the fact that your child must go. Then ensure that you are there to pick them up later, exactly as promised.

Establishing a solid and unvarying routine, in those early days and weeks, can make the whole school experience much more predictable for children.

That consistency also goes a long way to reducing anxiety. Newness and that sense of the unknown may also be the hallmarks of your child’s experience of going to secondary school for the first time.

Hopefully some planning will have occurred and you will have visited the school open evenings back in the spring and then discussed the school choice with your child. Being involved in the choice will mean that, hopefully, it is just natural excitement and nerves rather than dread that you are witnessing.

The early weeks, even months, in secondary school are especially exhausting for your child, so do be ready to give them a lot of “minding” with good food, plenty of downtime and push them to be in bed early.

There are so many new things that might challenge them; multiple teachers, moves between classrooms, organisation of lockers and books, longer days, more homework and a whole new social milieu.

Some children are able to take these challenges in their stride. They can seem like they are just stretching their wings, so to speak, and had been just waiting for the chance to fly, with the greater responsibility and secondary school brings. Others, though, may struggle.

So, be alert to their energy levels, their mood and their commentary about school. If you think your child may be struggling, do go and arrange to meet with the year head or the pastoral team to talk about the issues you have noticed.

If they hadn’t got a phone in primary, almost all children will probably be getting one in secondary.

This is another area to which we have to pay close attention, as it will probably become the hub of their social life, and may become the centre of their universe! You can see the separate panel for some of my ideas about how to manage phones and social media.

However our child reacts to school, primary or secondary, the key is to be mindful of them, and to be alert to the fact that their emotional, physical and behavioural selves may be under a lot of pressure. Having positive, warm and understanding parents in the background will make their transitions easier.