Appetite for distinction: which food tribe are you?
From flexitarians to the free-from crowd, Eleanor Steafel introduces us to the fastidious groups that are redefining the way we eat
‘Hi, I’m Andrew and I’m a Flexitarian”. So goes a scene from the support groups for former food fad addicts that will surely take place in the not-sodistant future.
We will wake up, smell the organic oat milk turmeric coffee, and collectively realise we have been conned. Conned by shiny, beautiful Instagrammers, bloggers and TV chefs extolling the virtues of plant-based, paleo and free-from diets; of 5-minute meals and 25-ingredient dinners; of dir ty food, clean food and whole food. But until that blessed day comes, the only way we’re going to sur vive is to make like The Hunger Games and pick a tribe. Helpfully, there is an almost infinite number to choose from. In fact, there have never been so many synonyms for ‘ fussy eater’.
Flexitarianism is especially popular. Worshippers spend a few days every now and again as a vegan (i.e. when they remember/it suits them to do so). It helps that Instagrammers like Fat Gay Vegan (a London-based, plant-espousing foodie) and Deliciously Ella have made veganism cool, steering it away from images of eccentric academics with shoes made from lentils.
As tribes go, f lexitarians surely have the best of both worlds — they are able to speak about environmental issues with a certain degree of smugness, but with the added benefit of being allowed to sink a bacon sarnie or wedge of brie whenever they please.
How, though, do you pick your tribe? First, do your research. Work out which crowd suits you best — assess what they wear, what their children are called, what their kitchens look like, what sort of ‘merch’ they’re selling (the plantbased gang are ver y big on yoga pants and tote bags, while the hardcore foodies are obsessed with niche shades of Le Creuset and vintage enamelware), star t following a few key figures on social media, and before long you will be a fully paid up member of your culinar y clan. Here’s a spotter’s guide to 2018 food tribes...
The plant-based brigade
Two words: coconut bacon. This is the sort of delicacy which awaits the committed plant eater. They are a perky bunch who can be identified by the yoga mat gripped permanently under their arm, kitchen cupboards overf lowing with nut butters, and fridge stocked with almond milk and an obscene amount of kale. They are not, I repeat NOT, vegans. In fact, technically, a plant-based diet could include the occasional helping of meat (and you should have no qualms about wearing leather), but most of the time, your diet will be 85pc chickpea.
They worship at the feet of… Deliciously Ella, queen of the plant eaters, and the Happy Pear twins. Desert island dish…
A buddha bowl. Not something Bridget Jones would smuggle back from Bali, as the name me suggests, but rather a dish of grains, topped with h various chopped and blended vegetables, sprinkled with seeds and drizzled with tahini or coconut yoghurt.
The paleos
Followers of the paleo way of life believe that our bodies have not evolved to properly process most of the foods we now consume. Refined sugar, dair y, salt, root vegetables, grains and legumes are all verboten. Instead, protein is the name of the game, with lots of fish, meat, fruits and vegetables making up a diet the cavemen would apparently have appapproved of. A glance at a paleo InInstagram account would suggestsu the cavemen were scscarfing rather a lot of wild salmosalmon wrapped in prosciutto with grilled peaches. Lucky cavemencavemen. They worship at the feet of…
Miche Michelle Tam. With 435,0 435,000 followers on Inst Instagram, Tam is th the undisputed lea leader of the Pa Paleosians (NB: no not a real term), w who creates menu plans for mums on a m mission to feed
their little cave children. Desert island dish…
Turkey bolognese on a bed of courgetti. Spiralizers were ver y big in the Cretaceous period, apparently.
The uber foodies
They may not be slaves to their waistlines, but they are addicts, just like the rest of them. They have a series of dealers — there’s the Middle Eastern shop where they get huge packets of sumac, za’atar, and ras al hanout; the butcher who can get them a few pounds of merguez at a moment’s notice, and the ludicrously expensive grocer where they go for Amalfi lemons and heritage tomatoes. They spend their weekends marinating Wagyu beef, and leafing through the Brother Hubbard cookbook. They worship at the feet of…
Ottolenghi. Oh, Yotam. You have
brought us so much joy. But you’ve also made us unspeakable snobs. Desert island dish…
Anything which features an ingredient which most of your friends won’t have heard of, and will take you three weeks to source.
The free-from crowd
They are perhaps the most entrenched of the foodie tribes. Slightly fragile folk who have demonised normal human reactions to food, so that a touch of bloating becomes a gluten intolerance, a spot is a clear sign of a dair y allerg y, a sore lef t foot the result of too many sulphites in the bloodstream. They worship at the feet of…
Amelia Freer ( lef t) . Nutritionist to the stars, Freer has a gluten, dair y and refined sugar free diet and is an expert in various things including “gluten sensitivity” and “adrenal dysregulation”. Nothing a spot of bone broth and a green juice can’t solve. Desert island dish...
Raw sweet potato brownies. More vegetable than cake, but the free-from crowd go mad for them. They’re #vegan and #glutenfree, don’t you know.