Surviving and thriving
In the words of American poet and civil rights activist Maya Angelou, “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style.”
There is a fundamental difference between thriving and surviving. Surviving means to continue to live or exist. When you are thriving, you are growing and flourishing. As Neuroscientist Dr John Montgomery PhD once wrote in Psychology Today, “we’re built to be triggered into survival mode whenever our survival is perceived to be at significant risk. Survival mode, however, isn’t only a state of fear, or the primal terror of being torn apart by a bear. Whenever we feel any kind of pain or emotional distress – whether it’s self-pity, guilt, or shame – we’re thrown, operationally, into a state of survival mode.”
Montgomery goes on to explain that when we experience these unpleasant emotions which alert us that we are at risk, we motivate appropriate action to address and avoid the risk. In other words, when you are in survival mode, you are just doing what will best get you through that moment or day. I have never thought much about it but, I have indeed experienced this, when I was a 22-year-old, selfconscious and shy student. Back when I started college in 2010, there were times when I would do my best to avoid situations that would make me experience these unpleasant emotions, like shame. For example, I would sometimes not turn up to tutorials to avoid being put on the spot during debates I felt I would not have ‘any knowledge on’. In lectures, I was afraid to ask questions for fear of sounding ‘stupid’. But, I soon realised that this was not bringing about any good. I would miss out on easy, extra marks towards my endof-year exams that were given for attending tutorials; and when other students asked the same questions that I had been thinking about, the questions didn’t sound so stupid after all. Always being in ‘survival mode’ was making me feel worse about myself.
It was only in my second year that I started taking control. I got more involved with class activities, spoke to new people, put myself forward and attended more tutorials. And, it felt rewarding. I wasn’t living life on edge as much, fearing that someone would laugh at me for saying the wrong answer. And, so what if I did say the wrong answer, because we were all in the same boat and all there for the same reason: to learn and develop as individuals, to be prepared to take on whatever life throws at us after college.
So, while it may feel at times that college is somewhere you need to endure or ‘survive’ in, also recognise it as a place you can really thrive in. Our special Third-Level Survival Guide will help you to get a head start at becoming the best version of you, with expert advice on what to do when you feel stressed (page 8), to developing new relationships at college (page 13). Plus, there are tips on how to get started with searching for student accommodation (page 4). And, guides to budgeting (page 6) and safe drinking (page 10) – without having to sacrifice enjoying yourself, because you should enjoy yourself !
Will your college years be the best of your life? Who knows. But to quote Angelou, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude”.