Randy olive oil users save us millions
THE HSE is constantly looking for ways to reduce the cost of medicines, we’re told. Billions of euro are spent every year keeping us healthy and medical inflation is growing at an alarming rate.
So it must be excellent news to discover that, for one condition at least, we can now save a fortune. A study has shown that olive oil is better than Viagra at keeping pep in the pecker and those who consume it (there’s no evidence that rubbing it on has any additional effect) perform better in the bedroom.
Because it’s excellent at maintaining blood circulation, around nine tablespoons of olive oil per week is a proven antidote against impotence, says the research from the University of Athens. So, the randy reputation of Mediterraneans isn’t a myth, it would seem.
“This is a drug-free solution… a longterm answer to protecting a man’s ability to perform in the bedroom,” it concluded, adding, “Viagra does not improve something long term; it can only give shortterm effect to sexual capacity.”
It’s excellent news for the taxpayer too. The HSE spends €4.5m a year supplying Viagra to over 45,000 medical card holders, and a further €1.2m under the Drugs Payment Scheme giving, ahem, support to another 11,000. As such, it has to limit the number of tablets handed out, which to be honest, must be a bit of a passion-killer.
In contrast, you can buy 500ml of olive oil for €2.29 in Tesco, which would only cost the Government €128,240 to give a surge in spirits to everyone in need. Keeping it on the bedside locker would be a great conversation starter, too. Although, we may have to insist on a rebranding… ‘Extra Virgin’ would surely breach the advertising standards act.
Finger on the pulse in mother of all fudges
SLIGHTLY startling news comes from the International Space Station, which sprung a leak after being hit by some space junk.
The 2mm hole might be tiny, but it was enough to deplete the oxygen supply in just 18 days, which would certainly concentrate the minds of the Expedition 56 crew toward fixing it.
The solution came, not from the millions of dollars worth of equipment Nasa has on board the ISS, nor the brilliant minds of the scientists, trained for years to handle any catastrophe, nor even from the ground technicians who managed successfully to get the entire floating enterprise 408km up in space, and keep it orbiting at a ferocious 27,600kmh.
No, the imaginative fix came from European Space Agency astronaut Alexander Gerst, who joined the ISS in space on June 6. The German geophysicist has a Masters in Earth sciences; he’s an expert volcanologist and has a doctorate in natural sciences. He has written extensive papers on science, space and geology. As it turns out, however, his school-boy accomplish- ments as a scout leader and junior lifeguard proved the more essential skills.
As the crew frantically attempted to stop the last of their air leaving the ISS, rendering them both homeless and well, lifeless, Gerst did what any trained scout would do – he stuck his finger in the hole to plug it until they found a higher tech solution. It worked.
The scientific boffins on board then went to work with… wait for it, bin bag ties, gauze and sticky tape.
School run is tiring even before you get out door
NO engineering solution in sight yet for all the mums commuting to work now that the schools are back.
By the time you get into the car or train, it can feel like you’ve already put in a full day, getting school lunches made, kids dressed and off. So it’s no surprise that 62pc of women admit to doing our make-up on our commute. A third blame the stress of the school run, but 41pc claimed they picked up great tips watching fellow commuters applying their make-up on public transport, or let’s face it, in the next car.
On average, they spend 38 minutes on the make-up routine.