Valentine was patron saint of plague and fainting too, you know Sinead Ryan,

TODAY is my birthday. Yes, thank you, you’re very kind, but as it’s not a big roundy one, my inclination is to ignore it.

But for most of you, this week, inexplicably, won’t be about me, but Valentine’s Day. Because of the association, I’ve always been a bit short-changed on the gifts front and, to be honest, I really dislike the pressure of a day that forces everyone to spend a fortune to say something they should be able to say without spending a fortune. So who’s to blame for the Hallmark holiday and extortionate flower prices? Well, probably not the man himself. Or indeed the men.

Yes, sorry to burst your heart-shaped helium bubble, there were, in fact, at least three St Valentines, according to Church records. Confusingly, all lived in the third century, and two in Italy, although it is most commonly St Valentine of Rome that is reckoned to be the perpetrator of early bird menus and cheap Prosecco dates.

It’s unclear where the association with love began, for Val himself had a fairly tragic time of it, to be sure.

He was captured after it was found he had been secretly marrying Roman soldiers (to their wives one expects, although in the Catholic Church, who knows?), which was illegal.

He was beheaded – not the most romantic ending, but it probably occurred conveniently on February 14, on which day a pagan fertility festival was also marked with a naked road race, with the winner selecting a child from the crowd to pair random couples who would then live together intimately for a year to fulfil the rite. Who needs the Kardashians?

The Church, never one to miss an opportunity, melded the two, thus making a martyr out of the murder.

By the time the 16th Century rolled around, good old Shakespeare got involved, mentioning the day in that most romantic of plays, er, ‘Hamlet’.

Anyhow, whoever he was, Valentine was expected, like most saints, to multitask once he got the gig above. Along with being the patron saint of lovers, he’s also responsible for beekeepers, epilepsy, fainting and the plague.

Bits of him are kept in different churches in five countries, of which Ireland is one, so if you’re feeling under pressure to buy that bouquet of over-priced roses, a bottle of perfume and expected to take herself out to dinner tomorrow, why not pop along to Whitefriar Street Church today and say, ‘Thanks a million mate”.

A little light exercise – but best do it at home...

ONE of the consequences of getting older – an event which seems to occur with increasing regularity – is that it takes much more to maintain yourself than it used to.

So I was buoyed by the results of research from Manchester University which said that just six minutes of exercise a week will prevent bonethinning in older women.

This is clearly excellent news, given my penchant for the sofa and Hobnobs, so I read further.

A couple of simple exercises performed for two minutes, three times a week, can cut the risk of osteoporosis, it said. The catch is that they have to be ‘counter-movement’ exercises. It sounds painful already, right?

The study recommends ‘box drops’ and ‘heel drops’ which involve vaulting yourself off a step, swinging your arms and standing on your tippy toes before dropping onto your heels dramatically.

Not one for the office perhaps.

Brennifer might give us a short break from Brexit

IT’S been revealed that Brad Pitt turned up at ex Jennifer Aniston’s 50th birthday party. She’s single, he’s single ... any chance they could do the right thing for Valentine’s and keep Brexit off the front page for a day?