Charging corkage for wine at home could save pubs – and how about taxing a cuppa?
THE Irish are probably the only people in the world who put the word “the” before the word “drink”. It isa sift he drink is a separate person. The good news for us publicans is the price of the drink was left untouched. But we need more. There are men who go in to ar age when 10pc is put on to the price of the pint. They usually say “I can buy this in the supermarket for half that”. But the point is, most bar persons also operate several other ancillary services, such as counselling, finding plumbers and news broadcasts.
When you go to the supermarket, all you get is a few seconds from the cashier who, understandably, has to get a move on.
There is no time to listen to the troubles. Note the troubles is lower-case. These are the new troubles. There was a time when lads used to go on in our bar about The Troubles, the one with the big letters. Some of the bar heroes told stories of their fight for Irish freedom. There was no one to contradict them, seeing as the real heroes were mostly dead, or infirm, or just did not want to talk about The Troubles.
Now we have the troubles in the bar trade. Paschal Donohoe seems to have realised there is no point in closing down any more pubs.
He was going on about the rainy-day fund. The fund comes to about a billion and a half. But for the country pubs – and many city pubs, too – every day is a rainy day.
And it all comes down to what kind of a society we want. Do we want an Ireland of “sure as we opened up the bottle of Chianti, we might as well finish it off?”
Us bar persons must be paid for the many of books service we provide.
I have a friend in the furniture business, and he tells me ever since Ireland became addicted to the red wine, white sofas couldn’t be given away for free. The spilled drop looks like there was a gush of blood from the TV on to the sofa every time a murder is committed by serial killers on family shows like ‘EastEnders’ and ‘Coronation Street’.
We must bring in the burgundy sofa tax, seeing as nearly all sofas are burgundy to camouflage the red wine spills.
I am also asking the minister to impose a corkage charge on all wine bottles brought in to private homes. I have no doubt but that the parties of the left and the Republicans will support this call to save Ireland from the overindulgences in foreign wines.
The big supermarkets are still using drink sales to lure people in to buy loads of stuff they want, but do not need. Wine is the chosen suppage of the middle and upper classes.
Wine is drunk by executives on expense accounts in fancy restaurants. When did you last see anyone drinking Châteauneuf-du-Pape in a chipper?
The problem for the left is summed up best in the country song “Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die”. We are all for tackling climate change, but the activists are against taxing diesel or charging for water.
The Man Who Knows Everything is sitting up at the bar, taking it all in. He is all for keeping pubs open, because no one listens to him at home. True to form, that wise man came up with a new tax plan which hits home drinking.
“I want a tax on tea and coffee of 10 cent per cup. The tea party tax will help productivity. There are more man hours lost to drinking tea than lower back pain.”
Makes perfect sense. This fits in nicely with the plan to charge corkage for wine drunk in the home.
I was caught badly in Japan. We found our way to a rooftop bar. The Tokyo Tower was near enough to touch. The price of the beer was in English, but the cover charge, the sales tax, the music cover charge and the service charges were in Japanese. Two pints and two bottles of beer came to 9618 Yen which is €82.
The country pubs are under charging. The publicans are subsidising their customers.
There is no doubt but that the pub game needs help. You can sell a suit or a table for €300. It takes 70 pints to make up €300 here in Listowel. It takes all night to make small amounts.
The State must now give us money for free. It’s payback time. Cover charge and corkage inspectors must be appointed immediately before more lives are lost and more pubs are closed.