It’s not just the kids who need to get back in swing of things
Kathy Donaghy
THE noise of children shouting and playing filled the garden. My kids had their friends over to play for the first time in months and their whoops of joy stopped me in my tracks. This most normal thing had become almost alien.
With the playgrounds about to open, how do we get our children back into the swing of it?
Our get-together took on epic proportions. What they would do was well planned in advance. From the minute they woke, the kids were asking what time their friends – two brothers who live nearby – were coming. A blue sky promised a fine day.
Home-schooling was postponed until later, their eyes fixed on the clock and the gates at the end of the lane as they awaited the arrival of the first visitors in a long time.
Despite not having seen one another in weeks and weeks, they picked up where they left off, making themselves into two teams of two, playing hide-and-seek and racing sticks down the river that runs beside our home.
Lockdown has presented families with a welcome pause. It’s allowed us to step off the treadmill of routine schedules.
Many of us have found new hobbies, had more time to spend with our kids and got out into nature more. I’ve welcomed the length of time there is in a day to get things done and still have some headspace.
There have been family walks and valuable time spent exploring our own area, from the woods to the beach. We’ve walked backroads I haven’t set foot on since my childhood.
But this pause in our lives is not without its downside. Most parents I know are limping towards the end of the daily torture home-schooling has become. Many are struggling with the demands of remote working.
One day feels pretty much like the next. Bedtimes and wake-up times are upended. The routine and daily grind that once shackled us looks almost inviting when you have deadlines to meet and your children are slinking away from the school books as soon as you make a phone call.
And what of this pause in childhood when there’s so much separation from grandparents and friends?
In Britain, child mental health experts have urged the government to prioritise children’s play and socialising with friends over formal lessons and academic progress when schools reopen and lockdown restrictions are eased.
They say they are “extremely concerned” about the impact of the lockdown and more than six weeks without face-to-face play with peers on child mental health. They are calling on ministers to ensure play is at the top of newly permitted activities.
While we adults have the tools to deal with separation from loved ones, the forced break from friends children have had to endure has been painful for many. Ask any parent how their child is getting on in lockdown and the vast majority will tell you they’re missing their friends.
Colman Noctor, child and adolescent psychotherapist with St Patrick’s Mental Health Service, points out lockdown will lead to a gap in children’s social development.
He believes there’s going to be a serious fallout when we do get back to normal and many kids will suffer. While adults have built up resilience and coping skills to fall back on, children don’t have these and some – especially those who suffer from anxiety – will find it difficult.
He uses the term “reboard” for this getting back to normal that will eventually come, using the analogy of kids getting back on the old-fashioned roundabouts found in playgrounds.
The analogy is a good one. While the roundabout offers kids a dizzying ride, it can be hard to get back on once you get off.
There’s a sense of anticipation and nervousness as you time your jump before you finally pluck up the courage to hop back on.
Many of us adults have also hopped off the roundabout of our lives and find ourselves drifting a bit after weeks and weeks of suspended normality. For some, an apathy has set in.
Psychologists say that in times of stress we respond in fight, flight or freeze mode. I’d hazard a guess many of us are in freeze mode: a bit stuck, a bit nervous about our futures and
finding we have less appetite to be creative than at the start of lockdown.
Mr Noctor is encouraging parents to actively start weaning kids back into social opportunities now as opposed to catapulting them back in once school re-opens.
As parents, we probably need to wean ourselves back into socialising. Weeks of not spending time with anyone but family affects all of us, weakening our sociability muscles.
With the summer rolling out and restrictions easing, now is the time to reconnect and build up those muscles again, being mindful of the social distancing rules.
It’s not just the kids who need to think about getting back on the roundabout. Parents need to muster their courage, jump first and show their kids they can do it too.