Do you have a stressed out Leaving Cert student at home? Here’s how you can help them

In the final countdown to the exams, parents need to acknowledge their child’s stress, give positive reassurance, and always offer a shoulder to cry on,

Crunch time is coming in the final preparations for Leaving Certificate. Some of you may have students who have been diligent and conscientious all along, in which case this time is probably about finessing the final run-in to the exams themselves.

However, there is also likely to be a cohort of households where there may be rising panic in the light of sons or daughters realising that the exams are indeed imminent and that they needed to study sooner.

Procrastination may be rife, with teenagers around the country feeling paralysed into inaction. Procrastination is very often anxiety based and when it comes to exam preparation there are typically three sources of anxiety that might block their study.

Some will worry about something that is unknown. This is called an anticipatory anxiety. When we have no experience of something, we can create ideas, expectations and anticipations of how it will be in our minds. Sometimes these might be positive, other times they may be negative. If they are negative, then we can come to dread the anticipated event. Even having done the mocks and many past papers, the reality of what it is like to go into the exam hall and open that exam paper is unknown.

A second group of students will be experiencing a fear of failure. It is not that most students expect to fail their exams outright, but many will be worried about comparative failure. For example, if your expectations, or those of others, are very high, then this can really pressure your son or daughter who will probably not want to disappoint you.

Equally, by the time of the Leaving Cert, many students have a clearer idea of what they want to do after school and so they are probably aiming to achieve a certain result for themselves to give them those college choices. This means that they might be putting undue pressure on themselves, particularly if those results required are high. Again, they may be afraid that they won’t achieve the points for the course they have picked.

The third typical source of anxiety is, as mentioned in the introduction, related to the volume of work to be covered. The curriculum can be vast and depending on how methodical students are (or have been) in their preparation they can reach that point of feeling overwhelmed and under-prepared. Panic, at not getting the course covered or revised, can set in.

Naturally, any of these fears can make it hard to get down to study, or hard to feel like the study they do is effective, and that can com- pound the fear, in an ever-increasing spiral of negative thinking and panic.

Unfortunately, as parents we can’t do the study, or turn up to the exam hall for them. Depending on how stressed or anxious they are, you may already have found that your attempts to be supportive and encouraging have been rebuffed. However, there are things that you can say and do that will help.

Acknowledging their stress is the best starting point. You need to show them that you understand that they are, perhaps, feeling overwhelmed, or exhausted, or worried, or frustrated. Support or encouragement that you might then offer is much more likely to be accepted if they feel you really do get what a stressful time this feels like to them.

This close to the exams, you can only put a positive spin on what they might achieve. You must reassure them that, however they do, you love them and they will always have options no matter how the exams go.

You can remind them that procrastination often becomes the negative cycle I mentioned, with the increased workload and shorter time often leading to a greater sense of impossibility about the task and less motivation to even start working. With that in mind, doing something will always be better than doing nothing.

Good quality sleeping, eating, exercise and leisure are proven ways to mind ourselves and others when it comes to combatting stress. Directing your student to prioritise these things, may help them to find that all important balance where focusing on their study and their preparation for the exams becomes easier as their mood and mindset become more positive.

Because your role in helping them be ready for the exams is limited, and they may be determined to ignore any advice or guidance you may give, you can still choose to offer practical support to ensure they have the best chance of keeping themselves well fuelled with good dinners, opportunities for exercise and time for rest and recreation.

Be reassured that even being the parent who offers a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on can be enough of a resource to help them get through the next eight weeks.

‘Good quality sleeping, eating, exercise and leisure are proven ways to mind ourselves and others when it comes to combatting stress’