Go now my baby, mammy allows you to
HEARTACHE OF FATAL FOETAL MOTHER:
BEREAVED parents who lost babies due to fatal foetal abnormalities have been excluded from speaking at next weekend’s sitting of the Citizens’ Assembly.
Terminations for Medical Reasons Ireland says its members are the only group who have had their tragedies ignored due to the 8th Amendment.
In its submission, many recount their personal tales – but while the assembly’s 99 citizens can access them online, they won’t get to hear any first-hand.
Nicola Kavanagh from Donegal had to wait five weeks after diagnosis for her baby Sam to die in her womb.
IT was November 1, 2009, when I heard the news my much-wanted second child had fatal foetal abnormalities and would not survive. I was 19 weeks pregnant and this was my first scan. I had been waking up crying… I just had a feeling something was wrong. I was told that basically my baby was going to die. The sonographer came into the room.
“I said, ‘If my wee baby is so sick, when will I be induced?’
“The sonographer’s response was, ‘I’m very sorry Nicola, we can’t do that, not in Ireland’. I replied, ‘I can’t wait another 20 weeks knowing my baby is so sick. You have to induce me. Why can’t you?’
“To which I got the response, ‘That is classed as an abortion in Ireland, we can’t perform an induction while your baby is alive, it can only be done after your baby has died.’
“After the doctors had confirmed my baby’s diagnosis, they left the room. It was left to the sonographer to deal with me.
“She explained to me some patients in the same situation had travelled to the UK to avail of a termination.
“I visited the crisis counsellor. We found out because I was 19 weeks pregnant the procedure would probably be £1,600, well over £2,000 including travel and accommodation costs.
“Also, if I didn’t have the procedure before I was 21 weeks pregnant the cost would rise considerably again.
“I felt I had no option but to stay in Ireland and wait for my little Sam to die.
“I could feel Sam’s little movements. They were more like a flutter than a kick. He was obviously very weak.
“I’d wake up to the feeling of his slight movements and I would lie awake wondering was he suffering as much as his mum.
“I agreed I would visit the sonographer for a scan every Monday morning to see how Sam was getting on.
“I remember one day arriving and the sonographer told me sympathetically that she could hardly see Sam today. She said he was all curled up and seemed very unwell today.
“Can you imagine how that feels? To think of your wee sick baby all curled up inside you? Wondering was he in pain?
“I couldn’t get that picture out of my head. I never will…
“I woke at 5am. I felt sharp pains in my stomach. I knew he was gone. I waited for my next scan three days later. I spent the weekend coming to terms with the fact he was gone and at peace. “I was 24 weeks pregnant. I had not seen a doctor since they broke the news to me that Sam was dying. Now the sonographer had to get a doctor to confirm there was no heartbeat. The doctor then said, ‘We can take you in this evening to deliver your baby’.
“It was as if they had washed their hands of me until my baby had died.
“I came into hospital on Thursday, December 9 and Sam was born at 2.40am on December 10. He was beautiful. Myself and my husband held him. I felt very peaceful.
“We had a wee service for Sam the following Thursday. I ended up spending two weeks in hospital after his birth. I didn’t get a chance to grieve, I had panic attacks. “I remember Sam dying inside of me. I could hardly feel his movements that day. I would whisper to him, ‘Go baby, mammy allows you to go’. As I slowly started to recover, I became more and more angry. I am at peace now with my son’s illness and his death. However, I am not at peace with the fact that in our time of need this country turned its back on us.”
To think of your baby curled up sick, wondering if he is in pain, can you imagine how that feels?