Quotes of the week

Now is not the time

Theresa May rejects calls for a second Scottish independence vote until at least 2021

Old! Old in body, but young at heart

Forces sweetheart Dame Vera Lynn looks forward to her 100th birthday tomorrow

Breaking: I will shortly be announced as editor of Heat magazine...

Ex Labour leader Ed Miliband jokes about sacked chancellor George Osborne’s appointment as London Evening Standard editor

I used to get people coming up and saying: ‘My sister really fancies you’. Then it became: ‘My mum really fancies you’. And now it’s: ‘My nan really fancies you’.

Downtown star Peter Egan admits his appeal to the opposite sex has changed

Do you want to have a handshake?

German chancellor Angela Merkel is snubbed by Donald Trump at a White House photo call

Ta-ra

Lancaster University researcher Robbie Love says the term has fallen out of everyday use

There is no possibility whatsoever that I am Harry’s father

James Hewitt dismisses rumours that he’s Prince Harry’s dad

The only downside is he has more dress sense than I do

Comedian Sandi Toksvig looks forward to co-hosting the Great British Bake Off with Noel Fielding