Too little too late from cold hubby

They’ve flown the nest but that doesn’t mean a split won’t hurt them

Dear Anne

My husband surprised me last week when he gave me tickets for a month-long Caribbean cruise for our diamond anniversary. Our relationship has been cooling for years and suddenly, now our youngest is off to college, I get a romantic gesture?

I couldn’t handle it. I threw the tickets at him and yelled. No warmth from him for years and now this? I don’t even know how I feel. Do they do counselling for oldies?

Anne says

Yes, they do! And you probably both need it – separately or together – to try to figure out your own feelings and future as a couple. Bringing up a family, it can be easy to grow apart. Mainly because of the practical demands versus a partner’s emotional needs.

You are both past counselling through those years where you “have to find a way” to get on for the sake of the kids. They have flown the nest but it doesn’t mean the state of your marriage won’t have an impact. I have friends whose parents got divorced once they were in college and it still affects them. So don’t put it off thinking of their age.

You need to talk it through, with perhaps a Relate counsellor or an objective friend. What is important to you? Can you reignite a flame with him on a cruise or would you be thinking of the scuba instructor?

I understand your resentment. But, if it makes sense to give it another chance, go for it. If he lets you down, you tried.