We weren’t seen as real family..it hurts
Single mother-of-four hopes vote will give equality to all her children
is a single mother to four incredible and unique children, ranging from nine to 24 years in age. The 43-year-old also shares her home along with her young granddaughters. However, part of her family unit is not recognised or protected in our Constitution. Two of her children are recognised under the Constitution due to a previous marriage but two who were born outside of marriage are not. Breda believes the referendum on Family will help address this unjust discrimination and give equality to all her children.
In 1999, at the age of 19, I welcomed my first child into the world. Two years later, my daughter was born.
As time passed, I found myself facing numerous difficulties and legal battles while single-handedly raising my two children. I didn’t know at the time that my children and I were not seen as a ‘real’ family in the Constitution but now that I know, it really hurts.
I was a single parent for a long time until 2009. That year, I met my husband and finally felt like I could take a breath and rest. However, after four miscarriages, in 2011 we were blessed with my second daughter, followed by another boy the next year.
Though we got married shortly after his birth, things quickly fell apart due to pressures and complications stemming from me having children from a previous relationship. To add to the stress an ongoing court battle with my ex, in an unreliable family court system, left me feeling defeated and ready to give up.
Despite all that my family has been through together over the last 24 years, it is very upsetting that our Constitution does not recognise us all as a family. The relationship between my former husband and I and with our children is recognised, but not that between myself and my older children.
These are the children I gave birth to, have loved, taken care of, worried over and provided for since I was 19 years old.
This type of inequality just makes no sense to me or my children in this day and age; Ireland has surely become more modern and progressive.
Life as a single parent living ‘on the wrong side of the tracks,’ the slog of trying to build a career that I can juggle with my children’s needs, almost being homeless, being ill with no financial supports – this has all been so hard and more difficult than it should be if there were better state supports for parents and children.
From the age of 19 when I became a single parent, I have constantly struggled to ‘keep my head above water.’
So, it is hard not to feel that my children and I are discriminated against in this country, and this is absolutely not helped by the Constitution ignoring my relationship with two of them.
But despite all this, for the past 24 years, I have remained determined to make Ireland a more equal and welcoming place for all, especially my children.
The Referendum on Family offers us all an opportunity to make this positive change. As a mother and grandmother, I urge the people of Ireland to vote YES on March 8.
It may seem like this doesn’t impact you or your family, but that’s no reason not to exercise your right to vote.
You may be sitting there now thinking I’m OK, this doesn’t affect me or my family and that’s OK, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t vote.
I know so many people, including family members, who are having their children but choosing not to marry yet. They shouldn’t be forced into marriage, but I believe their family should have the same rights as married families.
We know that the Referendum on Family will give this recognition to unmarried parents and their children and to unmarried couples.
This has been needed for so long for my children and for the 40% of children being born today to parents who are not married to each other.
If you do not personally know anyone affected, consider the Ireland of the future – your unborn child or the children of your family or friends not born yet. Give them a better chance of equality.
Use your voice to advocate on their behalf and say YES – you are a family and you matter, your rights matter.
It is time to stop excluding parents and children and couples of unmarried families.
Let’s take one more step towards making this fantastic country of ours even more equal and loving.
Let us show the empathy and care that the people of Ireland deserve.
This type of inequality just makes no sense to me or my kids