I coughed up a small fortune for us to go abroad. Meanwhile, the sun was splitting the trees back home!

I KNOW this is probably going to sound a little bit petty but I hate when I go away on holidays and the weather is good at home. OK, shoot me now. But it’s the truth. I’m the kind of person that wishes rain on others when I’m away. It makes me enjoy my holidays more.

I admit I’m a terrible person but surely I can’t be the only one who feels hard done by when you’ve coughed up a small fortune to go abroad and the sun is splitting the trees back home. Part of the enjoyment of going on holiday is coming home to show off your tan, while everyone around you remains pasty faced and envious of your golden limbs.

And when you come back looking all brown and healthy you try not to look smug when everyone tells you how miserable the weather has been here.

We’ve just come back from 10 days camping in France. We had a great time, the weather was lovely… most of the time. And the wine was cheap. But feck it. We arrived home and everyone was as brown if not browner than us and having an absolute ball without leaving their back garden.

Meanwhile I’ve been sleeping on a mattress as thin as an after eight, in a bedroom half the size of a small skip. I’ve been bitten alive by mosquitos, had to wash my smalls in the sink and spent a fortune on crepes to keep the Youngest happy.

The Oldest got over his reluctance to be there when he discovered it was legal to drink beer over the age of 16. Two Estrellas later and he was begging me to do a duet with him at karaoke. Needless to say no more alcohol was allowed. What a lightweight.

None of this would have really mattered if it had rained at home for the whole 10 days we were away. I would have given a glowing review of our family holiday despite having to use the public loos because everyone else in the family decided they wanted to go in the mobile loo at the same time.

But no. You all had a bloody marvellous time while I was away roughing it. And you got to use your own loo and sleep in your own bed each night. So forgive me if I sound a bit petulant. It’s because I am.

I’ll get over it soon enough. Another few nights in my own comfy bed, with access to wifi, tv and a rotating washing line – I’ll be happy as a pig in muck. And now that I’m back I’ll start saying novenas that the sun will hang around a while longer. Have to top up my tan... obviously.