The truth really is even stranger than fiction sometimes

IMAGINE A modern-day footballer being on the books of several top-ranking clubs, moving from one to the other at a rate of knots without ever making a first team appearance. The supporters would be up in arms, and rightly so, and it’s inconceivable to even consider that it might happen.

However, sometimes the truth really is stranger than fiction, and the tale that’s unveiled in ‘Kaiser - The Greatest Footballer To Play Football’ would even appear fanciful and unrealistic if it was turned into a movie script and unleashed on the big screen.

The subject of the book is a Brazilian christened Carlos Henrique Raposo, but known to one and all as Kaiser.

Given that he was probably the most adept conman ever to adorn professional sport, it’s no surprise that even the origin of his nickname is shrouded in doubt.

While the man himself will claim that it was a nod to his ability as a teenager which matched that of the real Kaiser, the great Franz Beckenbauer, others will attest that it was a reference to a popular beer of the name that was contained in a stubby bottle that matched his physical appearance at one stage.

This book is a real page-turner, because the story is so outlandish that there is an immediate urgency on the part of the reader to find out what happens next.

This most loveable of rogues managed to blag his way into several dressing-rooms of professional football clubs in his native Brazil, and also elsewhere in South America and in France as well if the man himself is to be believed.

How he was actually able to do so without ever kicking a ball for any first team is a salutary lesson in how charm can get you virtually anywhere.

The first thing Kaiser did at any club he arrived at was to ingratiate himself with the people making the big decisions, such as the President or the board of directors.

And given the culture in Brazil, his penchant for organising the best parties and being the ultimate dressing-room fixer meant that he was able to fulfil his dream of becoming a professional footballer, albeit in highly dubious circumstances.

He regularly cited injury after his first training session as a means of being kept away from the real action for months on end, and if a physio or doctor had to be bribed to keep up the charade, there was no better man to do the needful.

An example of his quick thinking came at one club when he found himself on the bench, but only after the medical staff had agreed to tell the manager that he wasn’t fit to come on.

The plan was seconds away from unravelling when the club President made direct contact with the home bench and ordered them to bring on his new signing.

Kaiser started to warm up and had to think fast. He duly launched himself into the crowd in Eric Cantona fashion, starting a brawl that ended with the referee showing him a red card before he could enter the fray.

When the President arrived in the dressing-room afterwards seeking an explanation, Kaiser said that he was defending the man after hearing the crowd hurling insults at him.

The result? A doubling of his wages and a new six-month contract. For sheer neck, Kaiser was out on his own. His quite astonishing story is guaranteed to entertain from start to finish.

ALAN AHERNE

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