I’ve aged ten years since school term started and it’s only October!

IHAVE finally reached an age where falling asleep on the sofa has nothing to do with coming home drunk and everything to do with being a decrepit old fogey! To be fair I was never much one for conking out on the sofa. I was far more likely to sneak into bed for a Nana Nap after a few G & T’s too many but now I’m out cold before the final credits of Strictly.

I’m blaming the early mornings which everyone in the house has now confirmed do not suit me. They’ve decided the safest way to play it is not talk to me or even make eye contact and then at least everyone gets out the door with their organs still intact.

But it’s not just the getting up early that is killing my buzz. I’ve done that for all of my adult life. At one point I faced an hour long commute to work each day and I was never once late. It’s the whole project management of getting them out the door in the morning making sure they have the proper uniforms, lunchboxes, gym gear, locker keys. The list is endless and it’s bloody exhausting.

Then you’re half way across town and someone who shall remain nameless shouts “Oh No! I forgot my art folder!” so I have to carry on with said named person, drop her to school, turn around, come home, retrieve the art folder and bring it into school.

I’m not joking, I’ve aged about ten years since school term started and it’s only October! As for the homework, I feel like I need to engage the services of a tutor to help me with this. When did homework get so damn hard? They’re doing subjects I’ve never even heard of so how am I supposed to help them understand it?

Maybe they should just leave school early and get jobs. Sure that would be way more beneficial to them ... and me. They could pay their way and I could charge them for taxi- ing them around town. They could attend the University of Life, coming out with a First Class Honours Degree.

Unfortunately one of their parents has some common sense and is insisting that they finish their education in the normal way. So for the foreseeable future my life will consist of manic mornings, multiple drop offs and collections, irregular French verbs, Shakespeare and quadratic equations ( I have no idea what that last one is, or even if I made it up!)

So if you happen to bump into me and think “Jaysus look at that one she hasn’t aged very well.” At least you’ll know why.

And if you want to pass on any good anti- aging creams all donations gratefully received!