As a typical Irish Mammy I’ve only myself to blame

THE Irish Mammy is a pretty special phenomenon. We smother our children with love and attention whilst simultaneously batin’ the head off them (metaphorically or otherwise) if they do anything to show us up.

We have a tendency to do EVERYTHING for them and then complain when they’re not capable of making a slice of toast. We tell them to tidy their rooms and when they don’t do it to our standard, we do it for them.

I can recall one instance when I told The Eldest to hoover his room after weeks of shouting at him to tidy it up. I went in to find him hoovering up everything in his path, spare change, socks, half eaten biscuits. “Jesus Christ Almighty you’re going to break the feckin thing, give it here to me,” I roared, snatching it off him and finishing the job myself.

Irish Mammies are basically the making and ruination of their children. Instead of leaving them out into the world with a host of basic life skills we’re seeing them off with money in their pockets, Tupperware filled with dinners and a promise to do their washing when they return.

So really was it any wonder when we left the eldest at home while we went on holiday recently that we were inundated with crisis calls? Two missed calls by the time we touched down.

“Mam, I can’t find the toothpaste.”

“Well go up and buy some.” “Where would I buy it?” How can he not know where to buy toothpaste, I ask myself. Probably because he’s never had to buy any.

Next call - “Mam how do you know when a pizza is cooked?” “How long has it been in for?” “Eh......I don’t know.”

Two hours later. “Mam how do you work the dishwasher?”

This was closely followed by “how do you open a can of dog food?”

His personal best came when he rang us to tell us he’d made porridge for his breakfast but didn’t realise you had to use milk!!

I blame myself. There’s no one else I can point the finger at. This is 100% my fault. So there’s only one thing I can do to rectify the situation.

Go on holidays more often!!