For Lent I have decided to be my ordinary slightly belligerent self

I HATE Lent!

It´s that whole Catholic Guilt thing that drives me doolally. If you decide to take a stand and not bother ‘giving up’ anything for the 40 day and night duration, you end up feeling like shite that you didn’t make an effort.

After all giving up chocolate is nothing compared to what all the starving people in the world have to suffer every day.

I think at this stage in my life I’ve attempted to give up everything. Chocolate, fags, alcohol, crisps, cheese, bread, facebook.

I think one year I attempted to give up moaning. Well, that was never going to be a runner, really, was it? Moany Minnie is my middle name.

Then last year I had an epiphany, or so I thought. Rather than giving up something, I decided to do something – be proactive. Try and make the world a better place by being a nicer person.

So that’s exactly what I did – tried to be a nicer person. And to be fair, it lasted longer than any of my previous attempts to deprive myself of something I love. Giving up alcohol usually lasts till Wednesday. But to be honest, I don’t know how genuine it was.

I mean for a while, I definitely was nicer to people. When I was in the company of people talking complete and utter rubbish, I smiled and nodded instead of my usual rolling of eyes.

When Himself put his feet up on the coffee table I didn’t kick them down and didn’t even give him a dirty look.

When the children left wet towels on the bathroom floor, I picked them up instead of shouting at them and calling them ungrateful little feckers.

When my father in law made me watch four old episodes of Only Fools and Horses back to back, I told him I was delighted instead of pretending there was an emergency and I had to go.

Trouble is I didn’t mean any of it. Not one bit of it. So does it count when you’re being nice but you’re only being nice for Lent sake? When none of it is heartfelt, it’s all just a ruse so that people think you’re a good person.

I don’t think it does. As a result I decided I may as well just be my ordinary slightly belligerent self this year, a middle aged woman, who talks too much, eats too much and possibly drinks too much (I’m only saying possibly). At least I’m being my authentic self.

As for the Catholic guilt – well you kind of get used to it after a while and as Shakespeare himself said: above all to thine own self be true.

Amen.