Kindness and understanding supporting the transgender
SPEAKS TO THREE TRANSGENDER PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES – GOOD AND BAD – WHILE LIVING IN COUNTY WEXFORD
CATHY LEE
LGBT pride month was largely marked in a virtual capacity this summer, with only small scale events taking place due to Covid-19.
The community still found unique ways to show solidarity and unity. Some members also got involved with the Black Lives Matter protests, with many promoting the message that ‘Black Trans Lives Matter’.
The ‘t’ in LGBT stands for transgender, and the umbrella term ‘trans’ is used to capture all non-conforming gender identities within the community.
Gender identity refers to a person’s deeply-felt identification as male, female, or some other gender and this may or may not correspond to the sex they were assigned at birth. Gender can be expressed through mannerisms, grooming, physical characteristics, social interactions and speech patterns.
Those who identify as non-binary or gender fluid, can fluctuate with their gender expression or identity. At times, they may present themselves differently and even not identify as either male or female at all.
Those who are not transgender are termed ‘cisgender’, which acknowledges that everyone has a gender identity and a ‘cis’ person’s gender identity and gender expression is aligned with the sex that was assigned at birth.
In recent years, the trans community has become more visible and found its own voice as part of the LGBT community, and even got involved in separate Pride parades and protests.
It has become clear the that challenges faced by trans people can differ greatly from others within LGBT circles, such as gay, lesbian or bisexual people when it comes to freedoms and self expression. It’s important to note that being trans does not define a person’s sexual orientation.
Veronica and Nick are both transgender and live in county Wexford and although there are 20 years between them, some of their experiences being out as trans here are similar. While Alexandra, moved to Wexford during her teenage years and has since left Wexford to live elsewhere. see that much has changed those relationships. I’ve never experienced negative reactions here in my home or neighbourhood. However, I have in certain towns and cities.
‘There’s a lot of factors that go into that, it’s a density issue, but in that sense I don’t think that me being trans has changed how the people around see me. Especially in the country, it’s impossible to not be visible. People know who you are even before you know them. It’s really bizarre for me as an American who is not used to that’.
Veronica said that she experienced transphobia during the early stages of her transition here two years ago.
‘In those early days, it was difficult to be out and comfortable in the world. I got a lot of stares, comments, nasty looks and laughs. These were mostly from younger people, which I found quite shocking.
‘Everyone likes to pretend that all the world’s problems are going to die off with the next generation but of course that’s not true. When you think about the younger generation and all of the awareness they’re growing up with, you wouldn’t expect that kind of treatment but it certainly exists.
‘It got to a stage where I would just avoid groups of kids or teenagers, or if I had to pass them I’d just kind of armour up and hope they didn’t notice me passing them on the street. There were a couple of incidents with adults as well, but it’s just an extreme amount of ignorance on a lot of peoples’ part.
‘There’s this sense that they have the right to say what’s on their mind to somebody that they don’t know. Like a child who is young enough for me to be their mother outright disrespecting me relating to my gender expression or an elderly man who is old enough to be my grandfather, saying “is that a man or a woman” and laughing in my face, that kind of thing makes me think about the safety they must feel in a group of people to behave this way.
‘It never occurs to them that the people around them, the general public, may not agree with their statement. They feel confident that most people would agree that I’m a ‘ freak’ or whatever. We haven’t reached that point where societies views are strong enough to give somebody like that a moment’s pause before they open their mouth’.
Speaking about feeling different, Veronica said that there is unity being within a minority group.
‘I knew I was different and queer from a young age, but I wasn’t open to transitioning until very recently. For most of my life I would have considered myself gender-queer, and my gender expression fluctuated throughout my life. I would always have been very dedicated to the LGBT struggle and involved in the community.
‘Being involved in TENI or support groups to varying degrees allows me to know what’s going on, to insert myself in the centre of it and have an idea of what’s coming down the pipeline. I would have always been very vocal about my beliefs.
‘The trans community is really unique, because it cuts across every label and strata of society. I’m a white trans woman but you’ll find trans people who are of all sexual orientations, all income levels, ethnicities, backgrounds and family make-ups.
‘What has surprised me coming from a primarily queer gay space is seeing that actually finding a common ground within the trans community outside of our trans identity, can be kind of challenging in terms of finding people you can relate to on a personal level.
‘I’ve enjoyed seeing people make connections based on more than just the fact they’re trans in the support groups. It’s kind of like you’ve to find your tribe within the tribe, which is the same for cis [people who are not trans] people.
‘I grew up in the southern United States, I may have privileges and particular advantages that others wouldn’t have and talking to a trans woman in Ireland who may have been married with kids before transitioning and living their life as a woman, I can’t really relate to that as I was never married to a woman.
‘I would like that the trans community become so large, robust and visible that people are able to connect on more than just being trans, and then maybe they could mobilise on other issues. But as a trans person, I would steer clear of America now. My husband is Irish but he lived in Poland for years. He’s eager to take me there and show me what his life was like but we aren’t going any time soon. Some of the new policies and LGBT-free zones, it’s terrible and we would never feel safe there. There are other places as well but those are just the two on the top of my list at the moment’.
Challenges exist for trans people simply being out in the world, but some strong opposing views can be heightened in press as well as social media. Veronica said that countering some of the anti-trans narrative can be exhausting.
‘A lot of these cases are coming out of these pseudo-feminist movements, and you start to notice that they have close ties to extreme alt-right groups. Somehow they have laid down the true meaning of what they’re fighting for, to pick up these beliefs that could be used against them a women. You can’t kill an ideology, and people with opposing beliefs tend to dig their heels in deeper but we have to remember that these people are a very small and vocal minority, and they speak out in these extremely violent ways that mirror historical oppression of other groups.
‘The way I see it, they are very small, pre-occupied and unhappy people but it’s difficult because sometimes it’s hard to remind yourself and it’s easy to feel like the whole world is against you. But you have to follow the money trail back to its root and ask yourself, who is benefiting from any given narrative and who is profiting from perpetuating any particular stance?
‘When you look at their arguments scientifical