Being there through thick and thin – and through the pandemic too

‘IJUST want to be there for young Persephone.’ We have always been there for young Persephone, wherever ‘ there’ happens to be. As diligent parents we feel a duty to take an active interest. We were there, in the front row, when our daughter featured as an angel in the pre-school Christmas play. Hermione, though she did not hold a grudge for long against the show’s producer, always felt she should have been credited in the programme as costume designer. We had no doubt that Persephone’s outfit was a real scene stealer, a miracle of tinsel and super-glue.

We were there, in the church, when Persephone sang her first public solo. I remember telling anyone who would listen that her late grandfather was a prize-winning chorister in his day. The significance of Grandad’s achievements in the 1930s was lost on those offered this revelation. But we were happy that we had a real chip off the old block.

We were there, on the side-line, when she had a try-out for the Our Town girls’ under eight rugby team. We remember most specifically being there because it rained. Hermione caught a chill which laid her low for a week. Persephone did not catch a chill as she was busy putting in strenuous and warming efforts to be wherever it was on the pitch that the ball was not. The combination of determination, athleticism and agility she displayed that soggy Saturday morning suggested real sporting potential – just not as a rugby player.

Surely that’s what families are for – to be there. When love has blossomed or when hearts have been broken. When friends come calling or when friends are marked absent and there is no one else to talk to. When there is celebration or set-back, family should ideally be there to provide support and stability. That’s what we parents believe, right?

Families should be there, if at all possible, when new life is beginning. Ready to boil the kettle for the midwife in case of emergency. Ready to congratulate the mother. Ready to goo (is there such a word?) at the baby.

Families should be there, if at all possible, when life is coming to an end. See in the death notices how often final departure takes place ‘surrounded by his/her loving family’.

I sometimes feel such phrases have a ghoulish tinge when presented in cold print. The image of everyone gathered around the bed waiting for the inevitable is not necessarily a comfortable one.

A comedian could paint the scene in the hospital as the soon-tobe-deceased’s final outing, reminiscent of the days when the car set off in sunshine crammed with picnic basket, buckets and spades.

But instead of calling from the back seat ‘are we there yet? Are we there yet?’, the offspring are checking the intravenous drips and chorusing irreverently ‘is he dead yet? Is he dead yet?’

Of course, in my experience, it’s not like that at all. In my experience it is a privilege to be with a loved one in their final moments, if those moments are peaceful

A privilege? Yes, it is somehow a blessing to be with a dying parent up to the point where they pass and we stay, though why I cannot clearly say…

Back to young Persephone more than a decade after it became clear she was not the next Jonathan Sexton. Like many others, she has been maintaining the illusion that she is an undergraduate. The full programme of lectures and tutorials and tests and assignments has been tackled with gusto by our hard working scholar. The only problem is that she does not have to get out of bed, unless she wants to, in order to fulfil her academic obligations.

With the pandemic putting her campus off limits, she has made no meaningful acquaintance among her classmates. She does not have to worry about what clothes to wear, what eejits to avoid, when the library is full, what shops offer best student discount.

But at least our youngest has her parents to cluck over her and encourage her to be out of her pyjamas and into her jeans by mid-day, most days.

‘I just want to be there for Persephone,’ says her mother. And so do I, while doubting if being there is much help at the moment.