Kicking i n the year
Oliver Callan kicks back at the year that was in the company of Marty, Leo, Mary Lou, the Beast from the East and Marty ( the other one). Donal O’donoghue presses record
Oliver Callan is not himself today. But then he rarely is. Today he’s Leo, sporting khaki combats; he’s Marty (both Whelan and Morrissey); he’s Mary Lou, woman possessed; he’s Simon Harris as a minister dispossessed and just don’t mention Brexit. But rst a word from the man himself: “Podcasts,” says Oliver, before showing his phone and the Top 20 line-up, with Blindboy at No.1 and Callan’s Kicks at No.18. But it’s Wednesday, ve days since the last kicking, two days to the next when the RTÉ Radio One show is usually top of the pods again. Right now, Callan is in the thick of his next show. Still ahead is the annual New Year’s Eve hootenanny, reeling in the year and giving it a right old shoeing. “Anyone for
Brexit then?” we ask and he’s o .
The Marty Chronicles
“It all began with Dancing with the Stars, or ‘Dancing with the Sta ’ as some called it. We had Marty Morrissey winded and defeated by his main competition, gravity. Yet he bounced back, still a national treasure despite the colour of his skin. Then there is the other Marty, our antidote to current a airs on Lyric FM. Some days I tune in just because I know I’m guaranteed Ennio Morricone with a joke inbetween. “Oh Hoho hu e and fu e and well done and ho ho and oh the wrong button has just been pressed hohoho!” Even his mistakes seem like they have been masterfully rehearsed. Marty Whelan can make the tra c report fun.”
The Beast from the East
“The Beast from the East was our biggest hit of the year. Maybe that was because people were locked in their houses for 48 hours! It was also my favourite Leo moment of the year. Remember Leo and Eoghan Murphy on the telly around the clock? Murfs was in his ski wear, Leo in his khaki pants. Leo imposed a curfew and then went around doing photo ops with nurses in hospital. We had to brave the curfew to make the show (laughs). In our production o ce, a building owned by a vulture fund, I have a framed picture of Charlie Haughey on the wall because of his dual force for satire: bringing in the tax exemption for artists but also doing so much bad. Thus the perfect God of Satire in this country.”
Hello Mary Lou
“One of my favourite new characters is Mary Lou Mcdonald, who is very ‘on eek’ as the millennials might say. In our Hallowe’en episode, Pearse Doherty and Michelle O’neill had to perform an exorcism on her because every time she spoke it was “I’m a new leader, a total break from the past and (slipping into the tones of Gerry Adams) I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT!” She is a woman possessed by the ghost of Gerry Adams Past and so in the exorcism, in order to coax the demon out of her, they recited Amhrán na bfhiain in English. Joe Brolly tweeted to say he really liked that one. So naturally we had to hammer him in our next sketch.”
The Deerhunter
“Callan’s Kicks, for some reason, has to stick to the same rules as the news. We have to give the same amount of time to our ctional representatives of the various parties. So for the presidential election we had to balance things out. There was King Lear Jet himself, Michael D. There was Peter Casey, who brought a very boring campaign to life in a very ugly way. “He was a, whaddyacallit, a character who could not nish a whadya callit . . .” There was Sean Gallagher, who slumbered to irrelevance. There was Gavin Du y, who was for deer hunting and wanted a job in the Phoenix Park where he would be surrounded by deer. And ‘let’s not forget about Liadh Ní Riada’, which was her actual campaign slogan.”
Last Brexit from Inniskeen
“Any time we put Brexit in the title of an episode it just ies! Huw Edwards, the BBC newsman, is our voice of Brexit because he’s like the Dobbo over there. In some ways, Brexit has been a frustrating subject for satire because the more you make fun of them the more coverage people like Farage and Co get. But Brexit is also the gift that keeps on giving. We’re just dying for Boris Johnson to become the British PM. “Oh the world might die but it’s great for comedy hahaha!” Another post-brexit scenario is that Dundalk doesn’t lose out to Newry in the smuggling boom. Of course, Neven Maguire has been ying the ag for the lesser-spotted border and this year his latest Kook Book is a Kook book about Kook Books! “
Citizen Smith
“We created this amalgam, People Before Progress, by merging Bríd Smith with Ruth Coppinger which gave us Bríd Coppinger. “It’s all the fault of the bigwig fat cat corporate petit lous bourgeoisie . . .”
It all came to a head when I was doing a TV panel show and found myself seated beside Bríd Smith. They were taking a picture for social media and at that moment Smith leans into me and says, deadpan: ‘By the way if you ever put me on your show again I’ll burst ya.’ So the picture is of me laughing and the rest of the panel being solemn. I never imagine the politicians listening to the show but they do. I know that Leo does. You only hope that they don’t enjoy it too much.”