A tribal time of year

At Christmas and New Year, the tribes we all belong to – family, friends, work and faith – take on an added significance

Tribes

ere are many di erent tribes in life. Some we happen to be in by chance, while others we choose to join and there are some we join when we don’t want to. Most of us are fortunate enough to get at least glimpses into what it feels like to be part of a tribe. At Christmas, we can feel that sense of belonging, when family, friends and faith communities gather from afar. I am minded of the wonderful sad and happy scenes of families reunited in airport arrivals that appear on the news in the days before Christmas Day. It always brings a tear to my eye.

The pull of the tribe

I was a nurse in England in the 1980s and 1990s. Back then, there was no debate about Brexit – we were welcome workers in the NHS! Usually, the roster for Christmas and New Year was circulated as early as April and I always put myself down for night duty on the week of New Year, including New Year’s Eve and Day. Everyone had to pull their weight and besides, I would forego New Year’s Eve in an instant to be at home for Christmas. at was the pull of my tribe, family and community.

The power of the tribe

Every one of us craves the feeling of being part of something bigger than ourselves. Instinctively, we are tribal and in humanity’s earliest days, being part of a tribe was essential for survival. In our luxurious modern world, however, we are increasingly disconnected from our tribe. We know our people are out there somewhere, but we feel lost and disconnected from them. We seek them in all sorts of places, but they keep eluding us. Without our tribe, we may wind up feeling lonely, distanced, depressed, spiritually disconnected and even sick.

In fact, a long-term Harvard study of almost 3,000 people found that the ones who gather together to go out to dinner, play cards, go on day trips, holiday with friends, go to movies, attend sporting events, go to church and engage in other social activities outlive their reclusive peers by an average of two-and-a-half years. Finding your tribe is not only fun; it can also save your life!

Find a way to get away from the consumerism and individualism of society: when we are together, we are stronger. Researchers have concluded that love, intimacy and being part of a tribe protects our health. Tribes nourish us.

Find a way to get away from the consumerism and individualism of society: when we are together, we are stronger

Be careful of tribes

Of course, tribes can go wrong too. When a tribe serves to create separation and division between ‘us’ and ‘them’, implying that ‘we’ are superior to others, or ‘we’ know the truth and ‘they’ don’t, then we are moving into dangerous territory. is sense of di erence can be harmless and even celebratory, but all too o en it becomes frightening and hateful. Tribes who believe they are better than women, other ethnicities, the LGBT community, the homeless or people with mental health issues are the ground from which violence is bred. Keeping your tribe healthy comes down to not tolerating or encouraging behaviour that is sexist, racist, elitist, ageist or any other ‘-ist.’

The unwanted tribe

In our lives, we will enter other tribes that we didn’t choose: the tribe formed by the experience of bereavement, cancer and other health di culties including mental health problems. We don’t actively choose to go to these tribes, but at some point, there we are, in a place with other lost and found souls. We struggle, are overwhelmed and deny that we are part of this group. My hope would be that we can all nd a place of acceptance even in the unwanted tribe.

Open up…

is Christmas and in 2019, I hope you will be open to joining new tribes, accepting and perhaps even nding comfort in the tribes you didn’t want to join and that you nd it in your head, heart and soul to be open to others joining your tribe!