safe online
Psychologist Anne McCormack with tips on keeping children safe in social media
According to a recent study by Cyber Safety Ireland, 32% of children talk to a stranger online every week, yet 15% of children report that they rarely, if ever, talk to their parents about online safety. I think parents need to lead by example on setting rules about using technology in the home. As adults, we sometimes forget that kids need to have us present at certain times of the day, so if we don’t have our own screens at the dinner table or don’t bring screens into the bedroom at night, that will have a knock-on effect on the kids.
For a lot of parents of course, the screen is a tool for work, so they can have a different perception of their screen time to their child’s. But they need to reflect on what message they are giving their child if they are on their own screen at night and they have told their child they aren’t allowed to do the same. It creates a context for conflict, which is not really necessary if you’re clear from the start that we’re all going to follow the same rules. And of course, it’s good for parents to not have their screens at nighttime too, as it aids sleep and winding down.
Screens are very engaging for children, so there is a temptation if you want to get things done to give them something which will keep them quiet or entertained. The problem is that it can then be harder to put limits on the child’s screen time when they’re older, so better to think about limits from the very start. It’s useful to have devices and apps that set time limits, as this avoids the conflict that arises from a ‘just five more minutes’ scenario.
My experience of meeting families in a therapeutic setting is that many parents don’t realise the risk until something goes wrong for their child, so online filters are a big step towards controlling what kids can see online as well as what can be sent to them. I feel very strongly that every device that gives a young person access to the internet should have a filter on it. That’s not to say that every time a young person goes online that predators are waiting for them, but bad things can happen, so it’s better to be prepared.
A young person is still forming their identity, so they have a lot of questions about how the world, how relationships work and how they fit into all of that. Anything they see online is going to inform their view of relationships, of what’s normal or acceptable So if they are viewing inappropriate sexual or violent content, that’s going to mix in with their ideas of what’s expected of people in relationships. It can be difficult then, because if they view inappropriate content, they may feel that they can’t ask their parents questions about things that are troubling or disturbing because they shouldn’t have been looking at those things in the first place.
As young people grow, they will feel entitled to – and will be deserving of – a greater degree of privacy. I think, going right back to the start of their relationship with technology, it’s important that parents begin a long conversation with their child, letting them know that they want their child to have an increasing level of privacy as they get older. The other side of that agreement is that the parents must feel they can trust their child. I think having this conversation every six months and reviewing how much freedom the young person has is a good way to approach this – an ongoing negotiation and renegotiation.
Anne McCormack is a psychotherapist accredited to the Family Therapy Association of Ireland (FTAI) and the Irish Council for Psychotherapy (ICP). She works in private practice in north Co Dublin and is a contributor on mental health topics in national media. She works with adults, adolescents and children experiencing depression, anxiety, eating disorders, relationship difficulties, self-esteem issues, post-traumatic stress or suicidal ideation. annemccormack.ie Anne developed these tips for child safety online in conjunction with Carphone Warehouse. The iKydz range is an easy-to-use, plug and play solution that can be installed in less than ten minutes. The device connects to the broadband router and is controlled using the free iKydz app. This allows the user to manage all the connected devices in the home. iKydz is available at Carphone Warehouse stores and at carphonewarehouse.ie