Sex with him was fantastic, but now he is threatening to tell my husband
QI am in despair. I am 56 and have a lovely home and have adult children.
My husband is a good man, but our sex life has never been very good. To be honest, I am very bored with my life. My husband sometimes works nights and it was this opportunity that gave me the idea to join a dating site. I must stress that I did everything possible to make our sex life work, and on many occasions wore garments to spice things up, but to no avail.
So I started dating men and have met several and had sex with some of them. Then I met this man and he totally blew my mind. The sex was just fantastic and he was also very generous to me and even gave me a voucher for €2,000 for a lingerie agency. But I recently stopped seeing him and he is now telling me he will tell my husband about us if I don’t get back with him. I am so afraid of losing everything. I can’t tell my husband and I can’t go to the police. You are my only hope so please help me. I always had a good sex drive but since the menopause it has got so strong that my mind is just done in at this stage.
ATHINGS have spiralled out of control for you and I can sense the fear in your email. I am not going to talk about the rights and wrongs of what you did because that is not why you have written to me.
This man is blackmailing you, which is against the law no matter what went before. His threat is to tell your husband if you don’t continue to have a sexual relationship with him. Who knows what his next threat would be if you were to agree — it may even be for money which has happened to other women in situations like yours.
You say that you cannot go to the police but I don’t see any reason why you cannot. The police are used to dealing with all sorts of confidential situations and would be able to guide you along the right path. You certainly cannot continue to do nothing because your mental health will suffer as well as your physical health.
You need some direction right now, but the problem is I don’t know what sort of a man your husband is and how he would react if you were to tell him about the situation you have got yourself into. If you were able to confide in your husband and ask for his forgiveness then that would be the most straightforward way out of the nightmare you find yourself in. This man would no longer be able to hold anything over you and your husband and yourself could then get professional help in the form of counselling. The issue of your differing sex drives would be discussed in a safe environment and hopefully some solutions found. I realise he would have a lot of accepting to do when he hears the full story. However, you and your husband must have had hard times in your marriage at some point — almost everybody does — and you will have weathered them so you should be hopeful that you can overcome this also.
If, however, you feel that you simply cannot talk to him then the only other way forward seems to be to go to the police and enlist their help. There are many wonderfully helpful and sincere people within our police force. You may feel more comfortable in asking to speak with a female garda and to insist on complete confidentiality before you begin your story. But please do something soon.