Facing realities of women and drink
Sir — Wise woman, Niamh Horan! She has obviously taken to heart the words of one Henry David Thoreau: ‘it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things’.
Niamh has hit the nail right on the head in her article (‘Women need to face facts about the link between rape and drinking’, Sunday Independent, June 12). She says it’s time to start a conversation and I am more than happy to join in. I do hope others will too.
I’d like to point out, though, that while I agree that excessive drinking is a major factor in rape, it is not the primary factor. Women who get drunk and get raped are first and foremost victims of a toxic culture. And this is the “fact” that most people are not yet prepared to admit. As Niamh said they “would prefer to live in the comfort of denial than face up to the realities of the world”.
Contemporary sexual culture, the “hook-up” culture, is toxic, not just for young women but for all of society. But young women are paying the highest price, physically, emotionally and even spiritually.
Every young person is desperate to belong, to “fit in”. And the hook-up culture insists that to belong you must follow the “herd” mentality. Everyone is doing it.
You must get drunk and you must get sexually active, and you must do it often.
Many women feel awful about it and have no idea why, because, as Niamh says, nobody wants to face the realities. The “herd” tells them: “Lighten up!” “You had fun. Big deal!” “Why are you so hard on yourself ?” But the pain doesn’t go away. It’s hard to heal when you don’t know you’ve been damaged. And the despair and shame that these women who hook up feel is real. (And we can’t blame Catholic guilt this time because most are not Catholic).
As I already said, contemporary sexual culture is toxic for young women, and until women stand up and acknowledge that fact, despair, sadness and regret are going to be the underlying chord structure of their very lives. We fail an entire generation when we withhold from them the “wisdom not to do desperate things”. Nora Bennis, Co Limerick