THE BIT OF WORK

It’s the same for everyone. You swear you’ll never get any work done. And then your 25-year college class reunion comes around. Everything is nicey-nicey at these things until Scoby arrives back at the table with a round of Slippery Nipples. Half an hour later and it’s, “Where did you get your fat suit?” So time for a bit of work.

One of the latest things thing now is Restylane. You get it injected into your nasolabial folds. That isn’t what you think it is guys, before you reckon you have an excuse to start looking up images on the internet. (“It’s OK, honey, I’m not turned on because it’s science.”)

Restylane is a filler, injected into your smile lines, to hide the fact that you’ve had a happy life, but now you’re old. Some say it’s good because it’s approved by the FDA in the States. We say there is something slightly odd-looking about Americans in their 40s and 50s. Just because it’s medically safe doesn’t make it right.

Your doctor will normally advise you not to smile for 48 hours after the treatment. That shouldn’t be a problem, given that it costs €300 a pop and you need to top it up every six months. You’re more likely to cry. Except they had a special offer on Botox in the clinic, so it’s no dice on the tear front. That said, these modern fillers don’t affect your ability to smile. This is important, given the cost over time. You’ll need to look cheerful when you’re flipping burgers in McDonald’s on your 80th birthday.

Here’s our advice. Just get a bit of work done before every class reunion. And when Scoby asks “Is anyone for shots?” make your excuses and leave.