The Godfather returns

I’m done with quinoa. Christ, what a diva. I can’t wait for oats to assume the number-one spot as Godfather of Superfoods again. At least I can pronounce this one, without having to refer to my iPhone notes, or my ‘Legumes That Are Seeds Pretending To Be Grains’ app.

This week, we’re helping oats knock quinoa (pronounced so-pass-say) off its pedestal. Oats contain two types of groovy fibre that excites nurses and health scientists.

This grain’s platoon of soluble and insoluble fibre serves our pipes in more ways than one. First, this type of fibre will help keep you regular. Bye-bye, haemorrhoids and constipation. Hello, light-footed daffodil. Secondly, oats’ cargo of fibre will help sat-nav your pipes for excess cholesterol, like a tenacious traffic warden. Take that, queen-wah! I like oats for their slow-release mojo. Have you ever noticed that your body chugs for longer on a bowl of porridge, than on a plate of toast? That’s because oats break down slowly in our system. This makes oats an excellent food for athletes, but also good for chronically hungry teens and anxious cabinet ministers.

More importantly, oats won’t give you the highs and lows that are associated with sugar-coated breakfast cereals, responsible for many code-red situations in classrooms and in Leinster House. You must meet my breakfast waffles. A happy waffle will have a moist interior. An unhappy waffle will taste of soggy Kleenex. There’s an art to a good waffle. Simply providing one on your cafe menu does not make you cool. Nailing a waffle recipe, however, will earn you pilgrims.