I’m pregnant and worried
A
QI am with my boyfriend five months. At the start we really fell in love. He told me that he wanted a future for us like marriage, kids and our own home. He promised me the world at the start and said he would never leave. I found out two months ago I’m expecting my first baby (not planned). I was shocked at the start but now I am completely over the moon with the news. He couldn’t get over the shock when I told him but says he’s coming around to it now. I am four months pregnant now and last month he broke up with me as he wasn’t feeling himself and didn’t want to drag me along with him. We talked things through and I told him life will be hard for us both but if we stick together we will get there. He says we missed a lot like our first holiday, more trips away and more date nights out. I have tried to reassure him that we can do all that as a family when the baby gets here. He has a child already and is a great dad. Now we are back together but I’m finding it hard to trust him anymore because he broke my heart while I’m carrying his child and I don’t know what sort of man can do that. I want to believe that he wants to be with me and loves me but he works so much I hardly see him — just once a week; and since the fight when he wanted to break up with me my family don’t want him around in our home. I’m really struggling with what to do. Is he only staying because of the baby? Will we ever get back to normal? Should I just walk away, as hard as it would be for me, because I just don’t feel as loved as I did and all I ever wanted was his time and affection. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I can understand what a shock your pregnancy news was to your boyfriend. Your relationship is relatively new and he already has a child for whom he is responsible. He was no doubt looking forward to some fun with you before settling down, and while I agree it is possible to have fun and have a baby your life will be seriously different when the baby arrives. Nobody is quite prepared for the change that a small baby makes to their life, but it is quite dramatic. A little baby is totally dependant on their parent or parents for everything — food, nurture, love, physical care — and you will always be their parent no matter what age they are. Your boyfriend has already experienced this with his first child, and so knows what is ahead.
His initial reaction was to cut the ties with you but then you talked to him and he changed his mind. This doesn’t make him any lesser a person — we all do unexpected things when we are in shock. It may be that he is only staying because of the baby, or he may truly love you and anyway these two things are not mutually exclusive. Only time will tell how things are going to work out. The most important thing now is to take good care of yourself, avoid stress, eat well and do everything in your power to ensure that you have a happy, healthy baby when it is born. Take one day at a time in your relationship, don’t be too demanding and try to enjoy your time together before the birth. It might even be possible for you to have a weekend away together to enjoy each other’s company before the baby arrives.