Baffled by lover’s desire for revenge

Sir — I read Mary Loxley’s article ‘Should I tell his wife about our affair?’ (Sunday Independent, September 11). I checked a few times to see if it was a serious article or a send-up. The photo looks real, the article seems real and yet it seems that this is a genuine musing as to whether a woman who had an affair over many years should now tell his wife. “I want to express my rage for all the suffering I endured.”

This is the most skewed article I have come across in a long time. I think this woman needs serious counselling. If someone is raped they express rage. We all make mistakes and regret incidents but we cannot lay the blame for misery on the shoulders of someone we loved for many years. As I read the article I asked myself what did she expect, like what possible outcome could have ensued? If leaving the wife and children was the objective, would the wife not have a legitimate rage?

I’m not a cold individual by any means. “We got talking and this led to more casual sex” says the writer. It’s truly baffling. Talking doesn’t, or shouldn’t lead to casual sex with a married guy. Why did this lady not have the capacity to say no and go home?

I think the answer lies in her childhood. Most people learn some level of self-protection, she didn’t. “For decades there haven’t been enough degree-educated men for degree-educated women like me” she says. So a person’s value is their degree.

You know who the nicest guys in Dublin are... the guys working in the Ballymount waste disposal. I go there all the time. I love clearing out rubbish. I have never been left alone to lift heavy stuff. One of them always arrives with a witty comment to help me move stuff.

Maybe this lady just looked in the wrong place or didn’t look at all because she was having an affair. Mary, please don’t bother telling the wife. Get some serious direction. Being single isn’t misery, it can be really nice sometimes, and it sure beats being half tied to someone else’s husband. Margaret Doherty Dublin 6