Men, don’t ask us for sex after the menopause. We’re not interested

Q

I recently read a letter to you from a man who says his marriage is almost sexless. I too am of a similar age to his wife and if I was never to have sex again it wouldn’t bother me, despite the fact that I adore my husband.

From talking to my friends, we nearly all feel the same and laugh about our ploys to avoid it. We have all come to the conclusion that the reason for this is totally natural, as our bodies can no longer produce children and we have no sex hormones left, namely oestrogen. When a woman is younger and fertile she will want sex but now nature is doing its thing and, as our child-bearing days are over, we no longer feel the same desires. Men can procreate till they are all ages so they will always want sex. It’s nature again and, of course, God was obviously a man!

So leave us alone, men, and stop making us feel guilty. There is nothing wrong with us. We have had our children, our hormones are gone and our baby-making factories have closed down. That’s why women on HRT feel sexy again — but who wants to take artificial hormones if they are not 100pc safe? So you can still be loving and affectionate with the man in your life and keep him sexually happy without the real deal.

A

YOU make some very interesting and valid points, and I’m sure many women will agree with you. But there are also post-menopausal women who continue to have a happy and fulfilling sexual life and they would have a totally different view to you. Indeed, some women report that their best sex has been when the possibility of having another baby has been removed. There are other factors as well of course: issues such as body image, attractiveness of the spouse and the state of the relationship, which can all affect one’s sexual appetite. People also find that if they had fairly regular sex during their reproductive years, and enjoyed it, they will in all likelihood continue this throughout their lives.

You are obviously in a very good relationship, and as I understand it you are continuing to have a sexual life, just one that does not include intercourse. That’s absolutely fine if you are both happy with that, and your husband hopefully feels loved and glad to have a sexual life.

It seems to me that you and your friends have decided that your sex lives as they used to be have ended, so anything I say will not change your minds as you have effectively shut down that option.

I have to point out to other readers, however, that this need not be the case. Of course one can exist without sex, and lots of people do, but it can be one of the most enjoyable and intimate acts that anybody can experience regardless of age.