CHAT-SHOW HOSTS

As Stephen Rodrick meets US-talk-show frontman, James Corden (see Page 18), Pat Fitzpatrick has a looks at some other top chat-show hosts

A well-known porn site revealed its viewing figures in Ireland suffered a huge dip during the Late Late Toy Show. Here’s an idea to capture this pervy audience. A Late Late Sex-Toy Show. Imagine Ryan in bondage gear, whipping a couple until they tell him what they like about the new Rampant Rabbit. (Or maybe don’t.) And a woman in the crowd caught hissing at her husband, “Declan, don’t get caught clapping if he announces one for everyone in the audience, we’ll be the talk of Ballyheigue”. How many boring Hollywood A-listers will people sit through so they can watch the bit with the Red Chair? One per episode, according to the latest figures. Next to him, in a very short dress, is the latest American comedienne who doesn’t seem to understand the difference between angry and funny. Next to her, is a British comedian dripping in self-loathing. What’s not to like? Me, pipes up our British friend, holding up the DVD of his new show, I Hate Myself. Letterman’s show was famous for its top-10 list. It was like this article, really, except there were 10 items. And it was funny, says you, off to read Triona McCarthy’s beauty tips. (Not that you need them. Please don’t go.) Letterman admitted to having sex with an assistant live on air. As in, he admitted it live on air. You’re never going to see a chat-show host having live sex with an intern. Although you’d never know with Channel 4. We’re not actually sure where the name Piers comes from. Maybe it’s the plural of Pier. After all, he is inclined to let people walk all over him. (Make it stop!) Piers’s CNN chat show came to an end recently after he angered a section of the US viewing public with his trenchant views on gun control. In fact, 30,000 of them signed a petition calling for him to be deported. As in, they put an ‘X’ where it said ‘signature’ and then said, “Ye haw, let’s all marry our cousins”. Oprah loves promoting things that are close to her heart. Like her wallet. A few weeks back, she revealed her svelte new figure was due to Weight Watchers. The same company in which she invested $43m last year. That investment should pile on the pounds, says you, mad for the weak puns. Oprah said the weight loss means her partner can now carry her to the pool. There is another way of putting that: I have a pool. (Thanks for all the cash.)