Dates are easy, love and lust not so much

IHAVEN’T been single since the mid 1990s. Back then, kids, there was no interweb, so dating and scoring options were limited. There were personal ads in publications that involved writing, on actual paper, to PO Boxes. There was a brand new dating agency called Who’s Who for the Unattached which was a bit expensive to join and had connotations of Yuppy, and there was Knock Marriage Bureau. Oh, and some bar with phones where you could call people you fancied at other tables. But there was a certain snobbery around dates not earned at the coalface, a bit of stigma attached to ads. Scoring was really supposed to be done face to face, most likely in a pub/club.

As friends have trundled or hurtled out of long-term relationships that spawned in the 1990s and been flung into the 21st century dating scene, they are both thrilled and appalled by the vista. It can be hard coming from a 20th century mindset to absorb that there is no stigma attached to online dating. But online seems to be the first port of call for the newly single, and ladies of a certain age report that trade can be brisk, a common feature being the young fella seeking to date them. Some people have been surprised at the range of sexual activities now considered run of the mill; some rather disappointed.

There are apps and sites dedicated to hookups, fetishes and transactions, so those areas might be better catered for in the 21st century, but while finding someone to go on a date with is definitely easier, finding someone you fancy isn’t. Any time I happen to coincide with closing time there are still single gender groups, trolleyed, dishevelled and apparently having failed to score. Which suggests that despite there being more ways to conjure romance or lust, it doesn’t happen more.